Warning warning warning! Beware the evil spoilers of doom and destruction! Enter at your own risk!
This will begin anytime once the first three Children have joined up. And once Misato gets promoted. It doesn't really matter, because I'm going to be making up my own Angels and events.
Concerning copyrights, all songs involved are by Five Iron Frenzy, and Gainax owns Eva. I'm just borrowing their
characters; I'll give 'em back when I'm done...
This is a no-hentai environment. Please extinguish all hentai at this time. Fasten your seatbelts, and enjoy the flight. Thank you.
Shinji Ikari took off his pants.
He then removed the rest of his clothes, proceeding to put on his plugsuit, which he zipped up and compressed. He clipped a pair of neural transmitters in his short black hair. Having dressed for training, he left the changing area. He was singing.
"The air is so clean, the sky is so blue, I know what you mean, I feel lucky too," he sang cheerfully. His singing ability left much to be desired, which is probably why Asuka punched him.
"Shut UP!" she hissed. "The air was cleaner before you started your idiot noise pollution! Baka!"
Shinji was still feeling great, despite the throbbing pain in his jaw. He smiled. "Sure thing, Asuka. I'd be happy to stop."
Asuka, herself, stopped in the middle of the corridor. It wasn't
that he had ceased singing; that was to be expected. It was his
response that confused her: "Sure thing, Asuka. I'd be happy to stop."
Normally, he would have silently and docilely obliged.
Shinji continued walking. He broke into a jog as he approached his destination. A pair of metal doors slid open, and he entered the holding pen for Evangelion Unit 01. "Hi everyone!" he called. "I'm ready for training!"
"He's actually happy, for once," Ritsuko noted, tapping away at a computer keyboard. "That should be good. Perhaps he'll synchronize better."
"We'll see." Misato turned on the intercom. "Hi, Shinji. Get yourself in the entry plug, and we'll get things started."
Shin Slurpee Evangelion
SLURPEE 0:1 - I Feel Lucky
Eva-01 threw a simulated right jab to a simulated Angel. It repeated the simulated process twice before bounding away. In the simulated spot where it had just stood, a simulated energy beam turned the area into charred sim-rubble. The Eva grabbed an artificial railgun and blew the Angel into little, tiny, simulated bits.
"Good job, Shinji!" Misato cheered. Ritsuko handed her a printout.
"The average sync-percentages thus far," the NERV scientist announced. "Shinji is doing well, as you can see--"
"Wow, no kidding." Misato's eyes widened. "He hasn't broken
fifty-five in two weeks! And now his average is fifty-eight! Hmmm, Rei
seems pretty consistent. But right here; what's going on with Asuka?"
"I honestly don't know. She seems to be normal, but she's not
synchronizing well. Should I run a pilot analysis test?"
"Sure." Misato turned her attention to Rei as the First Child
took a punch to the chest. Unit 00 countered with a furious series of
strikes with the prog-knife. "Very nice, Rei. Good retort tactics."
Shinji and Asuka were watching TV. He sat on the floor while she
sat on the couch. He smiled; she seethed. Suddenly, Asuka broke the
silence with a verbal sledgehammer.
"WHAT GIVES?" she screamed. Shinji flinched. "YOU ALMOST PASSED MY SYNC-RATE TODAY! WHAT'S GOING ON?"
Shinji cowered, gulped and answered. "Ummm. I'm happy, I guess?"
"Happy," Asuka said, dropping the volume of her voice to that of a rock concert. "That might do it. So why are you so stinking happy?"
Asuka's mood swung. "Are you in luuuuv?" she said sweetly.
Her swinging mood crashed into Shinji's, severely denting it. "N-no," he stammered, blushing and sweating spontaneously.
"You are!" Asuka hopped down off the couch and poked Shinji's nose. "Who's the lucky girl, who are you in love with?"
Shinji was silent.
"Are you in love with Rei?"
Shinji, in a stunning display of completely uncharacteristic resolution, declared firmly, "I-I-I um none of your business."
Asuka was momentarily taken aback, but she recovered quickly. "I bet you are," she countered, "and you just don't want to say so." On the TV, two women with bazookas blew up an alien.
"I am not, but I'm not telling you any more, either."
Asuka tried a few more names, but Shinji's silence eventually convinced her of his seriousness. She returned her attention to the television.
The next day, as usual, Shinji walked to school with his two friends, Kensuke Aida and Touji Suzahara. Shinji's demeanor, however, was far from usual.
"You're skipping," Kensuke noted observantly. Shinji ceased to skip. "Why are you skipping?"
"I'm not skipping," Shinji defensively stated.
"You were," Kensuke pointed out. "Why is that?"
When Shinji failed to answer, Touji responded for him. "He was getting in touch with his feminine side. I do it all the time. Haven't you ever tried it, Kensuke?"
"No way, man."
"Oh, listen to him! Just listen." Touji cracked his voice intentionally. "'No way, man!' I think you're pretty in touch with your feminine side right now."
"Hey, come on, don't we always rip on Shinji? He's the one skipping."
"I am not skipping!" Shinji protested, skipping.
"I think he's pretty confident in his masculinity. Unlike you, Mr. I-Can-Sing-Soprano."
"I'm confident," Kensuke replied, breaking into a skip. "Look at me, I'm skipping, I am so very confident in my masculinity."
"Hi, Hikari!" Asuka, arriving at school, shouted to her class-president friend. "Guess what? Shinji's in love!"
"With who?" Hikari demanded. "Tell me, please." Suddenly, past Asuka's left shoulder, she noticed something very out of the ordinary. "Oh, I don't even want to know."
"Why not? Don't you like gossip?"
"Not that, I want to know that! Look behind you!"
Asuka looked. "Hi, Hikari! Bye, Hikari!" shouted Touji,
skipping at high speeds past the two girls. He was followed by Kensuke,
who was running after him screaming threats involving semi-automatic
weaponry. Bringing up the rear, Shinji skipped frantically after both
Asuka blinked. "And boys say girls are weird."
"Well, who does he like?"
"I don't honestly know."
Shinji, taking notes on thermodynamics and Boyle's gas law,
recieved a message on his computer screen.
--Who are you in love with?--
He stared at the message for a good two minutes, contemplating it and hoping it would go away. Rather than grant his wish, it repeated
itself on the screen:
--Who are you in love with?--
Shinji, in an effort to make the message go away, typed:
--Please go away.--
It didn't go away. In fact, it proceeded to manifest itself once more.
--No. Tell me who you're in love with.--
Shinji thought for a second, and then opted for:
--You. Do you love me?--
No activity occurred on the screen. Shinji returned to his
notes, only to be interrupted by:
--I am.--, Shinji replied.
--You have got to be kidding.--
--You're hurting my feelings. Don't you love me?--
--You didn't. Why should I?--
The typist of the messages apparently got the picture and
stopped. Shinji, relieved, jotted down some notes concerning thermal
expansion and pressure.
"I don't know what I'd do without tuna fish," exlaimed Kensuke
contentedly, biting into a huge tuna fish sandwich. It was lunchtime.
"Maybe you'd eat something else?" Shinji suggested. He unpacked
his own lunch. "Truthfully, I prefer salami."
Touji grinned. "Hah, my lunch beats both of yours. Check out
THIS!" With a flourish, he removed from his lunchbag a sandwich.
Both of his friends were surprised that the sandwich even fit in
the bag. It consisted of ham, roast beef, lettuce, tomato, cheese,
jalapeños, and more, all between two slices of rye, with a bagel in the
middle. 'Big' did not do it justice. 'Massive' came up short.
"Holy crap!" Kensuke declared. "That thing's huge!"
"Is that hot sauce?" Shinji inquired, pointing to some red liquid
dripping off the sides.
Touji shook his head. "Not just hot sauce, my friend. That is
Suzahara's special sandwich sauce! Made it myself." Touji tried to
into his sandwich, but found he couldn't.
"Say, Shinji, we hear you're in love," stated Kensuke suddenly,
changing the subject. "Who is it?"
Shinji refused to tell. "Look, it'll be all over the school if I
say anything. I can't tell you who!"
"Come on," Touji said, putting down his collossal culinary
creation, "You can trust us! We're your friends, not some
soap-opera-addicted schoolgirl twits! You have my word, I won't tell
Shinji shook his head. "You'd laugh at me."
"Let me try." Kensuke swiveled in his chair to face Shinji.
"Listen, you can't keep your secrets holed up inside yourself. You have
to accept this aspect of yourself and not be ashamed or afraid of it.
You must be willing to put it out in the open! So tell me."
"Geez, you make it sound like he's...say, you are in love with
a girl, right?"
"Yeah," Shinji said. He smiled.
That afternoon, once school had let out, Shinji jogged down the
halls, backpack and all, singing again. "I see leaves, and they are
starting to turn brown, but they'll be green and growing when the-- hi,
Ruri!" Shinji greeted a classmate.
"Hello, Shinji," she said cheerfully, looking up from a book.
She was one of the girls who had originally asked him if he was the Eva
pilot, and she continued to show an interest in his "occupation". Also,
the two occasionally swapped theories and philosophies, when either of
them had thoughts on life to share.
"What d'you have there?" he asked.
"It's Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters, by some American
guy, Salinger or something. Kinda old book. It's interesting, not
particularly exciting, but the characters are good. Hmmm, how's Eva
"Pretty good, recently," he said happily. "Seems like everything is."
"Great! I'll see you around, then."
"Bye, Ruri!" Shinji said. He skipped onward, past lockers and
students. As he exited the building, he felt a jerk on his backpack and
"Hey, man, hold up!" Kensuke held a dangling strap attached to
"Yeah," Touji agreed. "You're so in touch with your feminine
side you forget about us!"
"Sorry, guys," Shinji apologized. "I'm just really really
"All right, who are you, and what have you done with Shinji?"
"Heh, yeah, you're really not yourself," Kensuke stated,
laughing. "It's being in love, huh?"
Shinji nodded. "It's a wonderful feeling, even if..."
Touji looked around. Things were indeed starting to turn brown,
hinted with autumn, but they were still plenty green and growing. "You
sure picked a good day to be in love." He paused, then abruptly began
"I am cutting up some eggplant for my next dish," Martin Yan said
as he cut up some eggplant for his next dish. Some Japanese subtitles
appeared just below his cutting board. As Rei watched, cleaving her own
eggplant, Martin Yan went on to mention that a lighter-purple eggplant
was Japanese, which was best for his next dish. He mentioned the high
concentration of vitamins A, B1, and C in eggplant. After that, he
placed the slices of eggplant in a pot, emphasizing the fact that "I
it oil blanching. I don't like to call it deep frying."
Rei watched intently as Martin Yan chopped up garlic. "This is
called a garlic peel. You just take the garlic and go like this" --he
quickly hit the clove with the flat of his cleaver blade-- "and it comes
out like this." The garlic on the television was now skinless, as was
Rei's garlic in her apartment. "Next, we have onion!"
Martin Yan placed the garlic aside and halved an onion with his
cooking knife. "Now, notice how I chop the onion. I don't cut through
the whole thing so that, see, it's all the same size." The onion
not cut through to the onion's core, were indeed the same size.
Continuing to talk cheerfully, Yan sliced the other half of the onion.
As he began frying mint leaves, the phone rang.
Rei sighed and picked it up. "Hello?" she asked quietly. She
listened for a few seconds before hanging up, turning off the television
and stove, and leaving her apartment.
Shinji's telephone, on the other hand, was in use; he was talking
to Kensuke. "Come on!" his wire-haired friend cajoled. "I swear, I
won't laugh, I won't tell anyone, and I'll practically ignore it. It'll
be just like I don't know."
"No means no," Shinji said weakly. Kensuke saw the information
he sought within his grasp.
"Well, of course you're going to ask her to the dance on Friday,
"Maaan! You are socially ignorant to the nth degree! There's a
school dance on Friday, starting at seven. Will I get to see who this
girl is then?"
Shinji thought and discovered that the idea made him nervous.
"No. Er, probably not." He suddenly noticed the "incoming call" light
blinking on the phone's base. "Gotta go, I've got another call here!
"Don't hang up, you" --click-- "aghhh. Rotten little coward with
Having hung up and changed lines, Shinji answered the call.
"This message is for Major Misato Katsuragi and the Second and
Third Children," said the steady, composed voice of a recording.
"Please report to NERV headquarters immediately. You will be informed of
current circumstances in room 0145-C. If you wish to listen to this recording
again, press one. Otherwise, please hang up now." Shinji hung up,
pulling on his jacket.
"I just got a call saying we should report to NERV," Shinji
informed Misato. "Say, where's Asuka?"
Misato thought quickly. "She's downtown, shopping for a dress, I think. We'll pick her up." The two exited the apartment, and Misato's
tone changed to speculative. "It can't be an Angel attack. What
could it be?"
Actually, it did turn out to be an Angel attack.
"About two hours ago, an Angel was sighted in the Pacific Ocean
by a small U.S. patrol fleet," Fuyutsuki announced to the six other
people in the dimmed, small conference room. Shinji's knee accidentally
bumped Asuka's, and she glared at him as if to burn two pupil-sized
in his head. "Unfortunately," the subcommander continued, "we were
unable to recieve any data whatsoever on the target because it sunk the
fleet. Two Evangelion pilots will remain on standby here, and another
will be sent to intercept the Angel. After much deliberation, Doctor
Akagi and I have chosen the pilot whom we believe would best accomplish
this task. Doctor Akagi?"
Ritsuko stood, addressing the three Children and Misato. "We
have chosen Asuka for this mission. She already proved herself in an
aquatic environment, and we both believe her to be the most versatile
resourceful of our current pilots. Plus, her synchronization is
consistently higher than the others'." Asuka maturely stuck out her
tongue at Rei and Shinji, then almost bit it as she realized something
"Hey, wait a minute! I just bought a dress for the school dance
on Friday! You don't expect me to waste my money like that, do you?
is it that I always miss out on everything 'cos I have to beat Angels?
First the class trip, now this!"
Fuyutsuki darkened visibly. "This is not about convenience.
"Oh, now isn't this the pot calling the kettle black? It's about your convenience! Screw you!" Temper blazing, Asuka charged out of
Silence descended on the room. Fuyutsuki spoke, terminating it.
"Rei, Shinji, neither of you are suited to the job quite as she
is. With human lives at stake, we can't afford to take chances; the
decision is final. You may leave now."
"I dunno," Misato said to Shinji as they left the room, "would
you call that a psychological wedgie?"
But who's doing the giving here, Shinji wondered.
Shinji decided to find Asuka, which proved not to be terribly
difficult. He found her swiping her NERV access card angrily at an exit
door. "Ahm...Asuka?" Shinji asked nervously.
Asuka turned, furious, and began shouting. "Look at this! I bet you anything they deactivated my card. Don't they trust me?" Shinji
considered indicating that she had just given 'them' a reason not to,
then very quickly thought better of it. "How can they do this to me?
I've been planning for weeks! It's a travesty, a mistake, some cruel
kind of joke!"
"I wasn't planning to go to the dance. Maybe I can convince
Ritsuko to let me fight the Angel." Shinji shrugged.
"You'd do that for me? Really? Thanks, Shinji!" Asuka smiled.
"I'll buy you a slurpee or something, once you get back." Shinji
"...Hey, don't just stand around grinning like an idiot! Anta baka?
Shinji hurried off rapidly, lest he face the wrath of Asuka.
"I'm sorry," Doctor Akagi said, "but the matter is closed,
Shinji. Fuyutsuki and I chose who we thought would be best for this,
we still think that. Asuka needs to understand that her duty as an
Evangelion pilot takes priority over her personal wishes."
Shinji nodded slowly. "Yeah. I know that, but this all seems
kind of arbitrary..."
"It is, to a degree. But in new circumstances such as these, we
have to exercise as much caution as possible. We have no data on the
new Angel, but we have to stop it before it reaches the United States'
Coast. If you don't mind getting up early tomorrow, you could see her off,
"Um...that sounds good," decided Shinji. "When's she leave?"
"Around six-thirty. I take it we'll see each other there?"
"Yeah. See ya." The two parted ways, and Shinji grinned
It was six-sixteen A.M. Asuka, nearly prepared to depart for
California, stood in Eva-02's holding pen, unwilling to speak to Shinji,
who was there as well. "Okay, what's the deal?" she asked, directing
the question to anyone who would answer. Except Shinji.
From his vantage point above the pen, Gendo nodded to Ritsuko,
who handed Asuka a small packet of information and left the room. He
then began speaking.
"You and your Evangelion will be transported by plane to the
estimated arrival point of the Angel. There, you will eliminate the
threat. Should it arrive elsewhere, you will be directed to its point
contact. Misato will accompany and advise you throughout. Any further
information you may need is in the packet, so take a few minutes to read
it." With these instructions, Gendo left.
Asuka, still angry, proceeded to read the packet. As she neared
the middle, Shinji coughed and spoke. "Uh. Asuka?"
"Yeah, what? I have to read this junk, and I'm not in a good mood, so make it quick."
"Well, I'm sorry I couldn't get the decision revoked, and
everything...I tried, and...well, I wanted to say that..." Shinji
"Say what? Don't take all day, idiot boy."
"Uh...I-I guess that, ahmm..." His gaze darted around the room,
then finally stopped, looking over his partner's left shoulder. He
prepared to speak again.
Whatever words he had intended to say were apparently tossed
aside, as he instead proceeded to hastily introduce his lips to those of
Their eyes met as well. In her eyes, he could see outright
shock, then confusion, realization, and finally anger. Shinji suddenly
began to doubt the wisdom of his choice and considered pulling away.
That would merely show Asuka his cowardice, though.
He remained in place, thus taking an unbelievably painful stomach jab.
As our fearless hero doubled over, his body decided to concede
defeat and collapse. From his new perspective on the floor, he could
hear Asuka saying something.
"Don't ever try to hit on me, or I'll hit you again,
pervert," she growled. She returned her attention to the packet;
however, when Shinji found the strength to get up and leave, she turned
briefly to watch his retreating back.
Ten minutes of system/pilot diagnostic tests later, a specialized
airplane carrying a red Evangelion left for the flooded remains of San
Walking to school, Shinji looked at the ground disconsolately.
As he walked, he sang in a very small voice. Appropriately enough, it
"When I was young," he sang, "the smallest trick of light could
catch my eye; then life was new and every new day I thought that I could
fly. I believed in what I hoped for, and I hoped in things unseen, I
had wings and dreams could soar...
"I just don't feel like flying anymore."
Upon arrival at the school building, Shinji trodded slowly to his classroom, where he would stare silently out the rain-spattered window
for a good bit of the day's lessons.
"You just think you've won," Kensuke said deviously.
"I bet you think you're some kind of big shot," he continued, "a
big sandwich shot. You're thinking you're so great, just 'cos you can
make some huge sandwich. Well, you're not the only one who's an amazing
gourmet guy! Watch!"
Kensuke lifted a small cooler from underneath his desk. From it,
he removed--well, extricated, rather--a sandwich that made Touji's look
"HAH!" he shouted, loudly enough to attract five and some-odd odd glances.
Wrought with sandwich envy, Touji muttered, "It's not so great.
I could've topped it easy if I'd known you were so darn competitive."
He looked at his own sandwich, a mere 5 inches tall.
Kensuke laughed triumphantly and took a bite. "GAAAhhhkkk!
Bleah!" He grabbed his soda, hastily inhaling almost all of it.
"I don't think pickles and chili go well together," Shinji noted
Touji nodded. "My friend, a true sandwich is a delight to the
soul. Like mine." He bit in, grinned, and chewed contentedly.
Shinji sadly looked at his own lunch, which was pretty decent,
actually. Of course, it wasn't his lunch that caused his sadness. He
picked up a cookie and chewed it listlessly.
"Say, Shinji," asked Kensuke, "can I have half of...oh wow.
Never mind. You can keep your sandwich." Shinji nodded, a mildly sad
expression on his face. "Geez, you seem down. What gives?"
Shinji shook his head. "My stomach hurts. Don't feel hungry."
By the time Asuka reached the semi-submerged remains of Old San
Francisco, it was night. However, thanks to time zones, she was still
energetic and spoiling for a fight. "This is taking way too long," she
complained to Misato, via her Evangelion's comm system. "And this LCL
in the plug is really getting on my nerves!"
"Sorry, can't do a thing. You know why we had to get your Eva
ready for combat back in Japan."
"Oh, easy for you to say," Asuka fumed. "You're in the plane,
I'm in the robot!"
"We're almost there. How about if I explain the procedure
"What the heck. I'm bored."
Misato nodded. "All right. Well, first we'll drop you near New
San Francisco. They've rigged up an umbilical cable for you, but
there's no auto-attachment system, so you'll do that manually. And you've
brought along what weaponry you'll need, so no problem there. As far as
battle strategy goes, don't rush in. Just try to keep this Angel back
and analyze it. When you've got a strategy, go for it."
"I just want to FIGHT!" she shouted, stomping the floor of her
The floor, so to speak, stomped back. The Eva and plane shook
violently, and Misato could be heard yelling at the pilot.
"Drop the Eva! DROP IT!"
Eva-02 fell, pulling an autolaser from its shoulder as it
plummeted. It hit the ground with a thud and turned around quickly.
Behind it, in the water, was the Angel, which most resembled a
giant turtle. However, there were several distinct differences between
this and turtles. The average turtle has no diamond-solid shell, AT
field, or third huge eye below its other two. Typically, it also has a
mouth and is incapable of firing energy blasts. Most importantly, it is
nowhere NEAR as big as this Angel.
Shinji had decided to invite Kensuke and Touji over for dinner,
to celebrate the absence of parental authority in his apartment.
Although it had actually been Kensuke's idea, and there was no dinner to
be found in the apartment. However, food had been discovered, in the
form of potato chips, which still weren't exactly food.
"I love this stuff!" Touji exclaimed, cramming a handful of chips into his mouth. Kensuke nodded contentedly.
"I won't need to eat any more fat for the next two days," Shinji
noted in a monotone, reading the nutritional information on the bag.
Conversation halted like a car hitting ten feet of solid titanium.
"C'mon, man," Kensuke prodded, "you've been cheerful the past few days, and then suddenly you're low as a rock in Tokyo Bay. What's going
"Asuka punched me in the gut this morning."
Touji put two and two together and came up with the square root
of pi. "She hit you that hard? You still hurt? Geez. Well, either
that or you don't know how to take a hit."
Kensuke came up with something much closer to four. "You mean a
"Let's watch some TV," Shinji suggested, ignoring any attempts at relational addition by either of his friends. With a nod of agreement,
Touji flipped on the television.
Rei, on the other hand, was cooking her own dinner. The sudden
and unfortunate appearance of the 11th Angel had prevented her from
finishing the eggplant dish; as a result, she tried again. She was
currently adding the finishing touches to her masterpiece, watching the
"Yan Can Cook" episode that she had videotaped.
Martin Yan applied some spices and completed the dish. "Mmm,
beautiful. Look at that color contrast. We will save some of this for
myself, because it is so wonderful." Rei looked at hers, which appeared
exactly as Yan's, except without chicken. The scene changed from the
studio to the streets of Hong Kong, where Yan visited a large Chinese
family with a wok.
Rei prepared herself some lemon-mint tea and sat down to enjoy
Jackson Ferrell turned on his midi of "Fly Me to the Moon," stood up from his computer, and began to speak.
"Hi, people. Enjoy the fanfic? Hope so.
"Okay, next episode. I'll have Asuka fight the new Angel...hmmm,
maybe have another Eva pilot join up. Maybe a little romantic tension.
Romantic developments. More Yan Can Cook. Man, I love that show!
And more PenPen. Truthfully, I'm not too sure what I'll do next. I have
ideas, yes, but we'll all see how they turn out.
"So long, and thanks for reading this," Jackson said, waving.
The midi finished. He turned it off and went to go have lunch.