shin slurpee evangelion
slurpee 0:6--

      Hey fanfic fans! Are you ready for more Evangelion insanity and mayhem? That's right...it's time for another episode of...SHIN! SLURPEE! EVANGELION! ("Are You Ready to Rumble" begins playing) Oh yeah! And for tonight's episode, we'll be throwing everything we've got at ya! We'll...
      Okay, maybe the professional wrestling announcer approach wasn't a good idea. Well, hi, everyone. This is SLURPEE 0:6.
      The usual notices/disclaimers/warnings:
      There are quite definitely spoilers in this, because it's about Neon Genesis Evangelion which is copyrighted by Gainax in Japan, and A.D. Vision has the rights to the English-dubbed version; also, all the songs in Slurpee are by Five Iron Frenzy unless otherwise noted.
      Also, it's still a no-hentai environment. Nothing new there, huh? But here's a warning for you: the environment contains unusually high levels of WAFF which, if inhaled, can cause excessive sentimentality and possibly crying. A gas mask is recommended.
      Okay, let's go. Oh! (Jackson suddenly remembers something and turns off "Are You Ready to Rumble") There we are. Now we can get going.


      "Well, this is certainly a problem," Major Misato Katsuragi observed, looking over the stack of papers in front of her.
      "Precisely." Commander Ikari pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "And we are here to solve it. So if anyone has any ideas as to how we can do that..."
      The conference room was silent for a few seconds, as its three occupants contemplated the difficulty before them. Fuyutsuki was the first to come up with anything. "It's a possibility that we could arrange another loan from the U.N.. But considering the cost of the property damages, it's unlikely that they'll loan us all the money we need."
      "I see no problem with that," Gendo agreed. "We need every penny we can get."
      Misato wrote down "U.N. loan: about $30000" on one of the papers in her stack. She then gave her own idea.
      "Say, what if NERV sponsored a concert?"
      The Commander and Subcommander stared at her.
      "A concert?"
      Misato stared back. "Yes. Concerts can generate incredible revenue, and given that they don't happen very often in Tokyo-3, there'd be a high demand for one. Everyone would come and have a great time, and we'd get lots of money."
      "I can understand that," Fuyutsuki mused. "The Angel attacks create a lot of tension, so this would be a good way to relieve that. Yes, I think it's a good idea."
      "Very well. Write it down," the Commander consented. So Misato did. "Any further ideas?"
      Fuyutsuki peered over at Misato's paper. "Well, given our current estimates, all of the damage the Fifth Child caused is nearly covered. All we need is...approximately four hundred dollars. So we don't need to come up with much."
      Gendo smiled ominously. "Well, I have a plan."


Shin Slurpee Evangelion
SLURPEE 0:6 - My Evil Plan to Save the World

      Doctor Akagi examined the room in the doorway of which she stood. The sight that met her eyes was a rather strange one, but she was used to the atypical. After all, she did work at NERV. In the room, Rei Ayanami sat at a desk, calmly writing with a ballpoint pen. Next to her, Rei Ayanami was doing the same thing. As were Rei, Rei, Rei, and Rei. The whole room was filled with writing Rei Ayanamis.
      Ritsuko peered over the shoulder of the nearest Rei. "A job application for Burger King?"
      "Yes," verified Rei, without looking up from her writing.
      Looking over the papers of the other Rei clones, Ritsuko discovered that they were all job applications. She shrugged and walked on to the back of the room, where she took several computer disks from a folder. She was about to leave, when one of the Reis stood up and approached her.
      "Excuse me. What's my social security number?" Rei asked.
      "I'm not sure that you have one," Ritsuko said, thinking. "In any event, I wouldn't know. You should ask the Commander."
      "Yes, I will do that." Rei left, slightly ahead of NERV's chief scientist.

      Hikari and Asuka were seated on a bench at school, having lunch together. For a change, Hikari thought. These days she's been having lunch with Shinji pretty often. I wonder why? So, she decided to ask Asuka.
      "You've been eating with Shinji a lot recently," she said. "Why's that?" When Asuka didn't immediately answer, Hikari decided to tease her a little bit. "There something going on between you two, hmm?"
      "Oh, shut up, Hikari! It's not like that. I'm thinking." So Asuka took a moment to think before responding. "I like being around him, I guess. He's a nice guy, sort of friendly. He's shy, though, and he can be so dense sometimes! But he's not that bad. Fun to talk to, I dunno." She shrugged.
      "Really? What do you guys talk about?"
      "Just stuff. Eva piloting, life at home, whatever's new. You know, that kind of stuff."
      Hikari seemed disappointed. "That's all? That can't be all, you and I talk about more than that!" Or used to.
      "Yeah," Asuka agreed, reading a little dissatisfaction on her friend's face, "he's a surprisingly open guy, once you get to know him. No...not open, so much as he's friendly. Kind of open to you, I guess."
      "That's weird." It didn't really fit with what Hikari knew of him, but she'd take Asuka's word for it. Things were quiet for a few moments, then the conversation picked up again, this time less about Shinji and more about the things they usually talked about. They talked for the entirety of the lunch period, for which Hikari was glad.

      It was a nice afternoon. The sun was shining, and the air was crisp without being too cold. It wasn't raining or snowing or producing any other kind of unpleasant precipitation, either. The day was one of those brisk winter days where everything didn't look so bleak and one felt glad to be alive. Shinji, however, wasn't too sure exactly how glad he was, or whether he was glad at all.
      Once he had arrived home from school, Misato discovered that they needed groceries and sent him to get some. Along the way, he had begun singing "Spy," a song by They Might Be Giants.
      "I might gaze on a submarine, I see your face smiling at me. Even when I close my eyes, your silhouette is smiling at me." He had thought of Asuka, almost automatically. "But you will never understand me, because I have a special job." He had thought of their differing attitudes toward Eva piloting. "I wish I could break the spy glass, set it free. So we could be..."
      And that line had really got him thinking. Doubting his gladness.
      So we could be. Be what? Asuka and I...what are we? Well, that's easy, we're friends.
      Friends,
he told himself. Even after you kissed her, and you've admitted to her that you hadn't just lost your head. You told her you care, there in that hospital room, right? Shinji could see where this was going, and he didn't particularly like it.
      So, he tried to stop it. So what? I'm glad to be friends with her. It's fun to talk to her and be with her and do friend things--
      But he couldn't stop it. He was too persistent for himself, apparently. And look at her. That's certainly a fun thing, isn't it? To gaze upon her beautiful blue eyes, her smooth skin, her sexy figure. You know it. Come clean with it--you're in love with her.
      Right,
Shinji told himself forcefully. And I'm okay with that, same as I'm okay with being her friend. And I'm not okay with talking to myself, which is why I'm going to stop right now. He decided to pay attention to the good afternoon, ignoring his advice to himself. Break the spy glass! he was told by himself one last time, before he shut up for good.
      It was strange. Almost as if he wasn't content with his contentedness with merely being Asuka's friend.
      A little later, Shinji arrived at the grocery store. He took a cart and guided it through the aisles, gathering food items and...things Misato ate. Noticing a package of hamburger meat, he thought of Asuka. She might like this, he decided as he put it in the cart.
      Awww, isn't that sw-- he started to tell himself, but he knew what he would say. So he snapped, Can it. I'm not in the mood for introspection now. And he shut up, focusing once again on the task at hand.
      He finished collecting the groceries and took the cart to the checkout. Surprised to see Rei operating the cash register, he greeted her. "Hi Rei. I didn't know you worked here."
      Rei looked perplexed. "Um," she said, ringing up a box of cereal from Shinji's cart. "Oh. I have a nametag. Hello." She looked at her nametag, which read, "Hi! My name is Rei."
      Now Shinji felt slightly confused. "Yes...you do have a nametag. It's a nice nametag. How do you like your job?"
      "It is not difficult," Rei responded.
      Something seemed out of place. "Rei, are you feeling all right?"
      "I am feeling fine."
      He shrugged and watched her ring up the rest of the groceries. The bagboy bagged them, putting them into the cart. "Bye, Rei," Shinji said. She apparently didn't hear him, because she was working on someone else's groceries now.

      Meanwhile, Kensuke sat on the floor of his living room, holding a video game controller. He stared intently at the television screen, almost unmoving, tapping automatically at the buttons. If it weren't for his breathing, which was slow and slightly heavy, one could probably prove conclusively that he was not, technically, alive. In fact, he was so immersed in his game that he thought the doorbell ringing was just a sound effect.
      At the sixth ring, he realized that the ringing sound was not caused by his plasma ionization cannon. Pausing his game, he sprung to his feet and got the door. Rei was there, dressed in a light brown sport coat with matching skirt and white blouse.
      "Hello," said Rei, after a brief silence. "I am selling carpet for Floortech Industries. Do you wish to see some of our samples?" She mechanically extended an arm, in which she held several squares of carpet.
      "Um. Well, thanks, but no, Rei."
      "I have met you?" she asked.
      Kensuke laughed. "Of course, at school. But you hardly ever talk to me, so maybe you didn't notice. Hi, my name's Kensuke!" He held out his hand.
      "It has been a pleasure," Rei determined, shaking it. She left.
      "Who'd have thought Rei has a sense of humor?" Kensuke asked himself, grinning. He shut the door and returned to his video game, wondering how she got the carpet job.

      "So," Doctor Akagi confirmed, "your plan for resolving the cost of damage was to procure jobs for the Ayanami clones." She was running a diagnostic check on Eva-05.
      Gendo nodded decisively. "Yes. At their current wages, and with so many working, the cost should be met within three days." He paused, then said, "But you seem skeptical."
      "Of course," Ritsuko said. "The experience may affect your plans regarding the Third Impact, should our current Rei die. If a clone meets someone that Rei knows, say, from school, what occurs could..." She thought, searching for a way to articulate her concerns. "Relational matters will affect any Rei involved, and piloting is a relational matter between the pilot and Eva. More importantly, there's the issue of uniting--"
      "I have accounted for this," Gendo interrupted. "To begin with, the jobs I secured for her are in small businesses, located far from all Eva pilots. Rei has never been adept at forming relationships, so I particularly doubt that she can do this while occupied with business." Like you, Ritsuko thought. But of course she kept it to herself.
      "Finally, the working hours for each Ayanami are maximized, to minimize the number of days worked; this will lower any prolonged contact with individuals. So, Ritsuko, do you now see why my plans do not interfere with the Instrumentality Project?"
      "Yes," Ritsuko answered. "Hey, what are you doing!?" Gendo had leaned over and tapped some keys on her keyboard. She started to speak again but was interrupted by a guitar riff and blaring brass.
      "I have an evil plan to save the world for every man, and I think it's better than the way it's being run! Oh, the groundwork's laid; no, don't be afraid! I'm sure that I can fix it, when I figure out the physics!"
      The doctor watched, stunned, as her superior loudly sang and danced to the ska music filling Central Dogma. Now, he pulled out a cane and began using it in the dance.
      "My evil plan to save the world, just you wait 'til it's unfurled! It'll go down in history...it's prophetic! No, it's not pathetic! I can't believe I made it up myself...
      "I have an evil plan to save the world, you understand. The exemplary feat, you'd think I'd have to cheat! I'd make Voltaire proud," --all of the computer screens suddenly displayed Voltaire-- "deep and furrow-browed. Uncanny and so clever, it's Our Newest Plan Ever!" At this point, a good twenty or so lower-level NERV staff members filed into Central Dogma and began dancing, in a circle, around Ikari and Akagi. The former grabbed the latter's hands and began dancing.
      The NERV staff chorused, "Got tired of whining, grander scheme with silver lining for every boy and girl! We can't be responsible for all that's wrong in this world..."
      Gendo released his dance partner and sang the chorus solo. "My evil plan to save the world, just you wait 'til it's unfurled!" He jumped up on a desk. "It'll go down in history...it's prophetic!" The computer screens now displayed various complex diagrams and text from the Dead Sea Scrolls. "No, it's not pathetic! I can't believe I made it up myself!"
      As Five Iron Frenzy's horn section played an instrumental bit, Gendo and the NERV staff performed a synchronized dance routine, which Ritsuko was standing in the way of, stunned. Nonetheless, they managed to pull off an impressive performance, and Gendo was right in place for the final singing of the chorus. Standing tall on a desk at the back of the room, he belted out,
      "My evil plan to save the world! Just you wait 'til it's unfurled! It'll go down in history, yeah! It's prophetic! No, it's not pathetic! I can't believe I made it up myself, my evil plan to save the world! Just you wait 'til it's unfurled! It'll go down in history! It's prophetic; no, it's not pathetic! I can't believe I made it up my-seeeeheeelf, yeaaahhhhh..." The song ended with a final trumpet blast. The NERV staff filed out, returning to their duties, and Gendo hopped off the desk.
      I need an aspirin, Ritsuko decided.

      The following day was a slightly strange one, at least in Rei Ayanami's opinion. Throughout it, people had been asking her about jobs she didn't have. All sorts of jobs, from doctor's office receptionist to busgirl at Joe's House of Buffalo Wings. And she didn't understand it one bit, because she wasn't even old enough to have most of these jobs. So why did people--and so many of them--think she'd found work?
      Rei took off her skirt.
      She then took off the rest of her clothes, pulling on a plastic suit. The suit was a lot like her plugsuit with regard to color and patterns, but it was much baggier and didn't cover her hands or feet. Small holes, slightly smaller than pin heads, dotted the suit's white surface, and on the left shoulder was written: "No-Hentai Suit(tm)". Continuing to contemplate the jobs she didn't have, Rei stepped into the shower and began working the soap into a lather. She rubbed the lather through the holes in her No-Hentai Suit(tm); it was inconvenient to bathe in, but not very difficult. And after the incident where Shinji had...well, Rei preferred not to take chances.
      Shinji had talked to her today. "I didn't know you got a job at the grocery store," he had said.
      "Eva piloting is my job," Rei replied.
      "Well, yeah, but I meant one where you actually get paid. You were the cashier there yesterday."
      "I have no other job." Now she was confused. Why did Shinji think she was a cashier? She didn't know.
      The conversation played through her mind as she washed her hair. She'd had a similar one with Kensuke, about selling carpet. He apparently wanted her to get him a job at Floortech Industries; "You must have connections, right?" he had asked. To which she had responded that she didn't.
      Rei was an efficient taker of showers, and she quickly finished this one. Rinsing out the No-Hentai Suit(tm), she prepared to take it off and hang it up when the lights went out.
      Yes, the day was definitely on the strange side.


      "Well, that was pretty close," Jackson Ferrell noted. "But it wouldn't be Eva without a close call or two."


      "Attention," came the voice from the loudspeakers all over Tokyo-3. "A citywide tsunami warning is now in effect. The storm may cause loss of electrical power. Please remain calm at all times and locate yourself in a safe place. Once again, a citywide tsunami warning is..."

      "Do not even think of touching me," Asuka warned. "Or else."
      The lights had gone off in Misato's apartment, too, but Misato wasn't there. She had paperwork to do at NERV, so she was stuck about four thousand feet down, while Shinji and Asuka were stuck together in the apartment, in the dark. But if Shinji had fostered any thoughts of doing anything with Asuka, which he hadn't, her threats quickly drove them out with a cattle prod and rabid dogs.
      "I wasn't," Shinji replied, irritated that Asuka always thought he was thinking of that sort of thing. "I can't even see you in the dark."
      All was silent, except for the wind and rain outside. Then a muffled thump came from across the room, followed by Asuka's cry of "Ouch!"
      "What happened?" Shinji asked.
      "I thought the door was where it wasn't. Are you still just sitting there? Do you want to get killed by the tsunami?"
      Shinji shook his head, then realized that didn't communicate much. "No." He carefully made his way across the room, being careful to feel around for the door.
      "Hey! I told you not to touch me!"
      "Sorry, I was feeling for the door."
      "Well I don't know! Seems you were feeling for me, you pervert!"
      (whap) "Ow! Owww...that hurt, Asuka!"
      "Maybe that'll teach you to keep your hands to yourself." Asuka headed through the doorway. Shinji, doubled over in pain, tried to follow but walked headfirst into the wall.
      "OWWWW!!"
      "Baka," Asuka muttered, sitting down in the darkened hall. It was going to be a long wait.

      "This top-secret emergency meeting of WHAC begins now," Secretary Kensuke Aida proclaimed. "President Suzuhara has called us here for a very important reason, which he will now reveal to us."
      "Right." Sitting on his bed, Touji observed the other two members of WHAC, whom he could see because his house's power hadn't gone out. "Well, we're here because of some problems we've encountered. Our efforts to prevent a relationship from forming between Shinji and our diabolical nemesis have, for all intents and purposes, failed."
      "Not completely true," David noted. "They haven't gone out on another date, and I don't see either one trying to deepen the relationship. Seems that they're only friends, and will remain that way for quite a while."
      "Right, and that's good. But nonetheless, anything between them at all is a problem, because We Hate Asuka. We don't want Shinji to suffer, and we don't want to have to suffer to hang out with Shinji. So we need new strategies for breaking things up. Any ideas?"
      Things were pretty silent.
      "Um," Kensuke said.
      And things were silent again.

      "Hey, er, Asuka? ...I have something important to tell you. About the time I kissed you." Shinji inhaled carefully. "Well, ah, I meant it. I am really actually deeply in love with you.
      "No, wait," he continued. "I know what you're thinking, that it could never work out. Especially after we've been nothing more than friends. But I've felt like this from the day I first laid eyes on you. I know you're mean to me a lot, but just your presence and your beauty make me feel so wonderful, just filled with joy, I can't even express it in words. And even when you act like you're better than me--it's justified, because you are better than me. You have more talent and courage and, well, just energy than anyone at all I know!
      "And I'm tired of keeping this a secret from you. I want you to know that I can't live without you, without us together. Do you think that we could have a future together? I do." Shinji pressed his lips against the air, pretending that Asuka was actually in front of him. He held the back of her imaginary head, running his hands through the hair that wasn't there. "Mmm...oh, Asuka, I love you, so much," he said between virtual kisses. "Ohhh...Asuka...mmm, mmmmm..."
      The toilet flushed, and Asuka emerged from the bathroom into the hallway. Shinji abruptly stopped his make-out session. "What the heck were you doing?" Asuka asked suspiciously.
      "Eating," Shinji said, making chewing motions. He swallowed unconvincingly.
      "I don't believe you," she replied, a dubious look on her face. "Looked more like you were involved in some pretty deep kissing there."
      And Asuka stopped talking there, looking skeptically at Shinji, who thought.
      She's smart. It's only a matter of time before she realizes what I really think of her. I'm dead, I'm dead. What am I supposed to do?
      Crash. A bolt of lightning split the sky, making its light visible even in the windowless hallway. Rain spattered against the apartment complex.
      Shinji thought about the storm, and how he could die. It might not happen, but people had died before in tsunamis. The force of the wave could do any number of deadly things to the building, causing death to himself or Asuka. He recalled the numerous moments of untruth when he had denied--to Asuka, to others, to himself--that he loved her and wanted her to love him back. The times when he had deliberately acted as if he didn't feel that way. And before either of them died--
      Crash.
      --he wanted her, at the very least, to know.

      Crash.
      "Ooops," Luke Ferrell said. He felt around the floor, searching for the pair of spectacles that he had accidentally knocked off the desk. Kneeling carefully and cautiously, he scoured the floor for the fallen glasses.
      Crunch.
      "Ooooops," Luke said very quietly.
      Crash.
      In the flash of lightning which caused the crash, he saw Rei Ayanami standing in the doorway, clad in her No-Hentai Suit(tm), an inexpression on her face. She walked over to him, and he stood, explaining as he got to his feet. "Er, I'm sorry. I was caught out in the rain, see, and I needed a place to be safe and not ket grilled, ah, get killed in the tsunami. And so I came into this apartment complex, and I was knocking on doors and yours was unlocked and I didn't know it was yours or that you were just taking a shower, sorry, and so I"
      am going to omit the part about breaking your glasses
      "came in here to wait for the all clear signal."
      Suddenly, inexplicably, Luke lost his balance, probably through nervousness. He slipped, flailing for something to stabilize him. He pulled on the handle of a drawer, but the drawer came out, spilling its contents everywhere. So he reached for Rei Ayanami, but sort of collided with her instead and continued to fall. A moment of chaos ensued; when it was over, Luke found himself on top of Rei. His hand was resting on the No-Hentai Suit(tm)'s AT field, a few inches above her...
      ...ah...
      Not again, Rei thought.

      "I feel a great disturbance in the Force," David Bever said.
      "Really? How?" asked the other two members of WHAC.
      "Magic." He grinned secretively.

      "That's right," Shinji said. "Kissing." He stared semi-defiantly at Asuka, who stared right back. He saw an unnerving amount of confidence in her eyes, which caused him to feel small and insecure. Hoping to maybe inhale some of the confidence she was radiating, he gulped air.
      "I..." he started. But he hadn't gotten any confidence in that breath.
      So he said it anyway, in a very small and rapid and self-conscious voice. "i'minlovewithyouasuka."
      "What's that? I can't hear you, Third Child."
      "I said, i'minlo...er, I'm in love with you...Asuka."
      She looked at him carefully, for a long time. What was she thinking? Was she studying him, to see if he was good enough for her? Shinji didn't know. All he knew was that he'd finally said it, and the ten thousand hamsters in his chest had returned en masse with some of their friends and relations. He recalled why they'd been there originally, because of how beautiful Asuka had looked before their date about a month ago. She had caused them.
      Hey, he'd never said anything about how she looked. "You looked really good on our date back in December," he said. He thought she'd be pleased.
      He didn't expect her to break down crying, which was what she was suddenly doing, there in the hallway.

      "There it is again," interjected David Bever. "That great disturbance in the Force."
      "That's great," Touji said, "but we really have more pressing matters to attend to, than disturbances. Like developing a strategy to drive a wedge between Shinji and Asuka. The great disturbance you're feeling is probably just a result of the storm."
      "Or something else." Kensuke put his fingers to his temples, closing his eyes in intense concentration. "I sense a great disturbance in David's head."
      "Shut UP! Come on, we need to focus on strategies."

      "Asuka?" Shinji asked. "Are you okay?" She didn't answer at first, but eventually she spoke, between sobs.
      "I can't stand it. Would you please quit being so nice to me? (sob) Every time I'm mean to you, and you're just complacent and sweet, it feels like you're piling hot coals on my head. It hurts, Shinji, it hurts." She went back to bawling for a little while before speaking again. "It tells me how bad I am, how much less I am than you. Why do you always have to show me up?"
      This surprised him. He'd never seen himself as better than her. "But I'm not trying to!" Wrong thing to say. Now she was crying even harder. "I mean, well, if I knew it was hurting you, I'd have stopped earlier. But most people like it when people are nice to them, and that's what I try to do. Because I love you!"
      "You're not supposed to hurt the person you're loving, you know." Asuka's voice was hard to make out through her sobs.
      "I know. I'm sorry." Shinji sat, quietly, watching her cry. He didn't know what more to say. So he just sat there, in the hall, across from her. For several minutes he sat, the only sounds being the rain against the windows and her sobbing. Eventually she stopped.
      She slowly moved herself next to him, sniffling quietly. Then, she rested her head carefully on his shoulder, causing the hamsters in his chest to use his heart as a hamster wheel. It wasn't a bad feeling, kind of warm and fuzzy. He put an arm around her shoulder, and was surprised that she didn't push it away.
      CRASH.
      It wasn't thunder this time, but instead the sound of a giant tidal wave colliding with the apartment building, transferring all the force of its momentum to the structural supports of the complex. Shinji, as he felt Asuka's arms around his midsection and heard her screaming (directly into his ear), hoped they were sufficiently durable supports.

      Touji's house felt the impact of the wave, too. After it hit, there were a few moments of silence, until a voice came from under the bed. "That was one heck of a disturbance, David," it said.
      "Tell me about it." David lifted a very heavy bowling trophy off of his chest. "See, I told you I can feel the Force."

      Fortunately for Shinji and the object of his affections, the building's supports were indeed sufficiently durable. Nonetheless, the apartment had definitely felt the tsunami's force. Shinji pushed himself up off the floor, then rose to his feet. He helped Asuka to hers. "We should check on the glass, to see if the wave broke it," he concluded.
      The two went to the living room, looking through a fully intact glass window. Through it the heavy rain was visible, with millions of drops of water spattering against the glass and pavement, illuminated by periodic flickers of distant lightning. It was quiet, not completely silent, but background-noise quiet, and peaceful.
      Shinji felt all right.
      Asuka cleared her throat, as if to speak.
      Except that she didn't know what to say. She wanted to apologize, but she didn't know for what. And if she didn't know for what, she had nothing to apologize for. For not loving Shinji? Not being nice to him? No; she felt the way she felt, and she had no reason to be sorry for that.
      How did she feel?
      Grateful, for how nice he was, in spite of her. So she said that: "Thank you, Shinji."
      "For what?"
      "Just being nice. Even though I'm not."
      "You're nice." He sounded confused. "Why would I be nice to you, if I didn't think you were nice?"
      She looked at him and found that he was already looking at her. In a way that was so powerful, yet vulnerable, that she felt completely undeserving as the object of it. She could see compassion, caring, pain, contentment, all in his eyes, and it made her feel inferior. She wanted to deserve that gaze...why? Because she was feeling the same things that he was?


      "Holy crap, this is getting soppy!" Jackson Ferrell shouted. "It sickens me to write this at all." He decided immediately to fix that, because it had gone on long enough.


      Asuka never had been the best at articulating her feelings. So, she forgot about it and kissed Shinji on the lips.
      And lo, Shinji was ecstatic.

      David Bever felt another, deeper, more profound disturbance in the Force, one that did not bode well for either Touji Suzuhara or Kensuke Aida or Gendo Ikari. However, it boded very well for Asuka and Shinji.
      Did it bode well for himself? David didn't know. Sometimes the Force doesn't let you know these things; other times it doesn't bode at all.


      Jackson Ferrell turned on his midi of "Fly Me to the Moon," stood up from his computer, and began to speak.
      "Hey, everyone. How was this episode? Geez, I haven't written so much WAFF since...well, gee, I can't remember ever writing this much WAFF. It kinda turns my stomach. But it's also kinda fun, like eating tuna with hot sauce.
      "Okay, maybe I should quit with the weird metaphors and skip right to the Special Thanks. I'd like to thank all the contributors to this episode: Erin Ellis, for her indispensable advice with the tsunami bit; the movie Dumb and Dumber, for inspiration regarding a certain part; Five Iron Frenzy (as usual, but especially this time), for writing a song that fit so well with Gendo Ikari's Evil Plan to Save the World; and anyone else who inspired me in any way, no matter how infinitesimal or microscopic.
      "And now, I have a very big announcement to make." He looked nervously at his computer, as if it would burst into tears at any moment. Or not. "I know a some of you will not be really pleased with this, and some may even be disappointed in me. But nonetheless, I've got to put Slurpee on indefinite hold, so that I don't have the pressure of writing another episode breathing down my neck. I feel like there's always a Slurpee that needs to be written, a really tremendous demand that makes me tired. I just need the time. So I'm really sorry if anyone absolutely detests this development, but it has to be done. The next Slurpee will come out God-knows-when; I promise it will come out sometime; please don't ask me when because I don't know.
      "Well, so long, and thanks for reading this," Jackson said, waving. The midi finished. He turned it off and went to go have a glass of water.


Copyright reserved 1999 Jackson Ferrell [TowelMan42@juno.com]

Neon Genesis Evangelion GAINAX / ProjectEva TX NAS. No infringement is intended.


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