Hey fanfic fans! Are you ready for more Evangelion insanity and
mayhem? That's right...it's time for another episode of...SHIN!
SLURPEE! EVANGELION! ("Are You Ready to Rumble" begins playing) Oh
yeah! And for tonight's episode, we'll be throwing everything we've got
at ya! We'll...
Okay, maybe the professional wrestling announcer approach wasn't
a good idea. Well, hi, everyone. This is SLURPEE 0:6.
The usual notices/disclaimers/warnings:
There are quite definitely spoilers in this, because it's about
Neon Genesis Evangelion which is copyrighted by Gainax in Japan, and
Vision has the rights to the English-dubbed version; also, all the songs
in Slurpee are by Five Iron Frenzy unless otherwise noted.
Also, it's still a no-hentai environment. Nothing new there,
huh? But here's a warning for you: the environment contains unusually
high levels of WAFF which, if inhaled, can cause excessive
and possibly crying. A gas mask is recommended.
Okay, let's go. Oh! (Jackson suddenly remembers something and
turns off "Are You Ready to Rumble") There we are. Now we can get
"Well, this is certainly a problem," Major Misato Katsuragi
observed, looking over the stack of papers in front of her.
"Precisely." Commander Ikari pushed his glasses up the bridge of
his nose. "And we are here to solve it. So if anyone has any ideas as
to how we can do that..."
The conference room was silent for a few seconds, as its three
occupants contemplated the difficulty before them. Fuyutsuki was the
first to come up with anything. "It's a possibility that we could
arrange another loan from the U.N.. But considering the cost of the
property damages, it's unlikely that they'll loan us all the money we
"I see no problem with that," Gendo agreed. "We need every penny
we can get."
Misato wrote down "U.N. loan: about $30000" on one of the papers
in her stack. She then gave her own idea.
"Say, what if NERV sponsored a concert?"
The Commander and Subcommander stared at her.
Misato stared back. "Yes. Concerts can generate incredible
revenue, and given that they don't happen very often in Tokyo-3, there'd
be a high demand for one. Everyone would come and have a great time,
we'd get lots of money."
"I can understand that," Fuyutsuki mused. "The Angel attacks
create a lot of tension, so this would be a good way to relieve that.
Yes, I think it's a good idea."
"Very well. Write it down," the Commander consented. So Misato
did. "Any further ideas?"
Fuyutsuki peered over at Misato's paper. "Well, given our
current estimates, all of the damage the Fifth Child caused is nearly
covered. All we need is...approximately four hundred dollars. So we
don't need to come up with much."
Gendo smiled ominously. "Well, I have a plan."
Shin Slurpee Evangelion
SLURPEE 0:6 - My Evil Plan to Save the World
Doctor Akagi examined the room in the doorway of which she stood.
The sight that met her eyes was a rather strange one, but she was used
to the atypical. After all, she did work at NERV. In the room, Rei
Ayanami sat at a desk, calmly writing with a ballpoint pen. Next to
Rei Ayanami was doing the same thing. As were Rei, Rei, Rei, and Rei.
The whole room was filled with writing Rei Ayanamis.
Ritsuko peered over the shoulder of the nearest Rei. "A job
application for Burger King?"
"Yes," verified Rei, without looking up from her writing.
Looking over the papers of the other Rei clones, Ritsuko
discovered that they were all job applications. She shrugged and walked
on to the back of the room, where she took several computer disks from a
folder. She was about to leave, when one of the Reis stood up and
"Excuse me. What's my social security number?" Rei asked.
"I'm not sure that you have one," Ritsuko said, thinking. "In
any event, I wouldn't know. You should ask the Commander."
"Yes, I will do that." Rei left, slightly ahead of NERV's chief
Hikari and Asuka were seated on a bench at school, having lunch
together. For a change, Hikari thought. These days she's been
having lunch with Shinji pretty often. I wonder why? So, she decided
to ask Asuka.
"You've been eating with Shinji a lot recently," she said.
"Why's that?" When Asuka didn't immediately answer, Hikari decided to
tease her a little bit. "There something going on between you two,
"Oh, shut up, Hikari! It's not like that. I'm thinking." So
Asuka took a moment to think before responding. "I like being around
him, I guess. He's a nice guy, sort of friendly. He's shy, though, and
he can be so dense sometimes! But he's not that bad. Fun to talk to, I
dunno." She shrugged.
"Really? What do you guys talk about?"
"Just stuff. Eva piloting, life at home, whatever's new. You
know, that kind of stuff."
Hikari seemed disappointed. "That's all? That can't be all, you
and I talk about more than that!" Or used to.
"Yeah," Asuka agreed, reading a little dissatisfaction on her
friend's face, "he's a surprisingly open guy, once you get to know him.
No...not open, so much as he's friendly. Kind of open to you, I guess."
"That's weird." It didn't really fit with what Hikari knew of
him, but she'd take Asuka's word for it. Things were quiet for a few
moments, then the conversation picked up again, this time less about
Shinji and more about the things they usually talked about. They talked
for the entirety of the lunch period, for which Hikari was glad.
It was a nice afternoon. The sun was shining, and the air was
crisp without being too cold. It wasn't raining or snowing or producing
any other kind of unpleasant precipitation, either. The day was one of
those brisk winter days where everything didn't look so bleak and one
felt glad to be alive. Shinji, however, wasn't too sure exactly how
glad he was, or whether he was glad at all.
Once he had arrived home from school, Misato discovered that they
needed groceries and sent him to get some. Along the way, he had begun
singing "Spy," a song by They Might Be Giants.
"I might gaze on a submarine, I see your face smiling at me.
Even when I close my eyes, your silhouette is smiling at me." He had
thought of Asuka, almost automatically. "But you will never understand
me, because I have a special job." He had thought of their differing
attitudes toward Eva piloting. "I wish I could break the spy glass, set
it free. So we could be..."
And that line had really got him thinking. Doubting his
So we could be. Be what? Asuka and I...what are we? Well,
that's easy, we're friends.
Friends, he told himself. Even after you kissed her, and
you've admitted to her that you hadn't just lost your head. You told
her you care, there in that hospital room, right? Shinji could see where
this was going, and he didn't particularly like it.
So, he tried to stop it. So what? I'm glad to be friends with
her. It's fun to talk to her and be with her and do friend things--
But he couldn't stop it. He was too persistent for himself,
apparently. And look at her. That's certainly a fun thing, isn't it?
To gaze upon her beautiful blue eyes, her smooth skin, her sexy figure.
You know it. Come clean with it--you're in love with her.
Right, Shinji told himself forcefully. And I'm okay with
that, same as I'm okay with being her friend. And I'm not okay with
talking to myself, which is why I'm going to stop right now. He
decided to pay attention to the good afternoon, ignoring his advice to
himself. Break the spy glass! he was told by himself one last time,
before he shut up for good.
It was strange. Almost as if he wasn't content with his
contentedness with merely being Asuka's friend.
A little later, Shinji arrived at the grocery store. He took a
cart and guided it through the aisles, gathering food items and...things
Misato ate. Noticing a package of hamburger meat, he thought of Asuka.
She might like this, he decided as he put it in the cart.
Awww, isn't that sw-- he started to tell himself, but he knew
what he would say. So he snapped, Can it. I'm not in the mood for
introspection now. And he shut up, focusing once again on the task at
He finished collecting the groceries and took the cart to the
checkout. Surprised to see Rei operating the cash register, he greeted
her. "Hi Rei. I didn't know you worked here."
Rei looked perplexed. "Um," she said, ringing up a box of cereal
from Shinji's cart. "Oh. I have a nametag. Hello." She looked at her
nametag, which read, "Hi! My name is Rei."
Now Shinji felt slightly confused. "Yes...you do have a nametag.
It's a nice nametag. How do you like your job?"
"It is not difficult," Rei responded.
Something seemed out of place. "Rei, are you feeling all right?"
"I am feeling fine."
He shrugged and watched her ring up the rest of the groceries.
The bagboy bagged them, putting them into the cart. "Bye, Rei," Shinji
said. She apparently didn't hear him, because she was working on
else's groceries now.
Meanwhile, Kensuke sat on the floor of his living room, holding a
video game controller. He stared intently at the television screen,
almost unmoving, tapping automatically at the buttons. If it weren't
his breathing, which was slow and slightly heavy, one could probably
prove conclusively that he was not, technically, alive. In fact, he was
so immersed in his game that he thought the doorbell ringing was just a
At the sixth ring, he realized that the ringing sound was not
caused by his plasma ionization cannon. Pausing his game, he sprung to
his feet and got the door. Rei was there, dressed in a light brown
coat with matching skirt and white blouse.
"Hello," said Rei, after a brief silence. "I am selling carpet
for Floortech Industries. Do you wish to see some of our samples?" She
mechanically extended an arm, in which she held several squares of
"Um. Well, thanks, but no, Rei."
"I have met you?" she asked.
Kensuke laughed. "Of course, at school. But you hardly ever
talk to me, so maybe you didn't notice. Hi, my name's Kensuke!" He
out his hand.
"It has been a pleasure," Rei determined, shaking it. She left.
"Who'd have thought Rei has a sense of humor?" Kensuke asked
himself, grinning. He shut the door and returned to his video game,
wondering how she got the carpet job.
"So," Doctor Akagi confirmed, "your plan for resolving the cost
of damage was to procure jobs for the Ayanami clones." She was running
diagnostic check on Eva-05.
Gendo nodded decisively. "Yes. At their current wages, and with
so many working, the cost should be met within three days." He paused,
then said, "But you seem skeptical."
"Of course," Ritsuko said. "The experience may affect your plans
regarding the Third Impact, should our current Rei die. If a clone
someone that Rei knows, say, from school, what occurs could..." She
thought, searching for a way to articulate her concerns. "Relational
matters will affect any Rei involved, and piloting is a relational
between the pilot and Eva. More importantly, there's the issue of
"I have accounted for this," Gendo interrupted. "To begin with,
the jobs I secured for her are in small businesses, located far from all
Eva pilots. Rei has never been adept at forming relationships, so I
particularly doubt that she can do this while occupied with business."
Like you, Ritsuko thought. But of course she kept it to
"Finally, the working hours for each Ayanami are maximized, to
minimize the number of days worked; this will lower any prolonged
with individuals. So, Ritsuko, do you now see why my plans do not
interfere with the Instrumentality Project?"
"Yes," Ritsuko answered. "Hey, what are you doing!?" Gendo had
leaned over and tapped some keys on her keyboard. She started to speak
again but was interrupted by a guitar riff and blaring brass.
"I have an evil plan to save the world for every man, and I think
it's better than the way it's being run! Oh, the groundwork's laid; no,
don't be afraid! I'm sure that I can fix it, when I figure out the
The doctor watched, stunned, as her superior loudly sang and
danced to the ska music filling Central Dogma. Now, he pulled out a
and began using it in the dance.
"My evil plan to save the world, just you wait 'til it's
unfurled! It'll go down in history...it's prophetic! No, it's not
pathetic! I can't believe I made it up myself...
"I have an evil plan to save the world, you understand. The
exemplary feat, you'd think I'd have to cheat! I'd make Voltaire
--all of the computer screens suddenly displayed Voltaire-- "deep and
furrow-browed. Uncanny and so clever, it's Our Newest Plan Ever!" At
this point, a good twenty or so lower-level NERV staff members filed
Central Dogma and began dancing, in a circle, around Ikari and Akagi.
The former grabbed the latter's hands and began dancing.
The NERV staff chorused, "Got tired of whining, grander scheme
with silver lining for every boy and girl! We can't be responsible for
all that's wrong in this world..."
Gendo released his dance partner and sang the chorus solo. "My
evil plan to save the world, just you wait 'til it's unfurled!" He
jumped up on a desk. "It'll go down in history...it's prophetic!" The
computer screens now displayed various complex diagrams and text from
Dead Sea Scrolls. "No, it's not pathetic! I can't believe I made it
As Five Iron Frenzy's horn section played an instrumental bit,
Gendo and the NERV staff performed a synchronized dance routine, which
Ritsuko was standing in the way of, stunned. Nonetheless, they managed
to pull off an impressive performance, and Gendo was right in place for
the final singing of the chorus. Standing tall on a desk at the back of
the room, he belted out,
"My evil plan to save the world! Just you wait 'til it's
unfurled! It'll go down in history, yeah! It's prophetic! No, it's
pathetic! I can't believe I made it up myself, my evil plan to save the
world! Just you wait 'til it's unfurled! It'll go down in history!
It's prophetic; no, it's not pathetic! I can't believe I made it up
my-seeeeheeelf, yeaaahhhhh..." The song ended with a final trumpet
blast. The NERV staff filed out, returning to their duties, and Gendo
hopped off the desk.
I need an aspirin, Ritsuko decided.
The following day was a slightly strange one, at least in Rei
Ayanami's opinion. Throughout it, people had been asking her about jobs
she didn't have. All sorts of jobs, from doctor's office receptionist
busgirl at Joe's House of Buffalo Wings. And she didn't understand it
one bit, because she wasn't even old enough to have most of these jobs.
So why did people--and so many of them--think she'd found work?
Rei took off her skirt.
She then took off the rest of her clothes, pulling on a plastic
suit. The suit was a lot like her plugsuit with regard to color and
patterns, but it was much baggier and didn't cover her hands or feet.
Small holes, slightly smaller than pin heads, dotted the suit's white
surface, and on the left shoulder was written: "No-Hentai Suit(tm)".
Continuing to contemplate the jobs she didn't have, Rei stepped
into the shower and began working the soap into a lather. She rubbed
lather through the holes in her No-Hentai Suit(tm); it was inconvenient
to bathe in, but not very difficult. And after the incident where
had...well, Rei preferred not to take chances.
Shinji had talked to her today. "I didn't know you got a job at
the grocery store," he had said.
"Eva piloting is my job," Rei replied.
"Well, yeah, but I meant one where you actually get paid. You
were the cashier there yesterday."
"I have no other job." Now she was confused. Why did Shinji
think she was a cashier? She didn't know.
The conversation played through her mind as she washed her hair.
She'd had a similar one with Kensuke, about selling carpet. He
apparently wanted her to get him a job at Floortech Industries; "You
have connections, right?" he had asked. To which she had responded that
Rei was an efficient taker of showers, and she quickly finished
this one. Rinsing out the No-Hentai Suit(tm), she prepared to take it
off and hang it up when the lights went out.
Yes, the day was definitely on the strange side.
"Well, that was pretty close," Jackson Ferrell noted. "But it
wouldn't be Eva without a close call or two."
"Attention," came the voice from the loudspeakers all over
Tokyo-3. "A citywide tsunami warning is now in effect. The storm may
cause loss of electrical power. Please remain calm at all times and
locate yourself in a safe place. Once again, a citywide tsunami warning
"Do not even think of touching me," Asuka warned. "Or else."
The lights had gone off in Misato's apartment, too, but Misato
wasn't there. She had paperwork to do at NERV, so she was stuck about
four thousand feet down, while Shinji and Asuka were stuck together in
the apartment, in the dark. But if Shinji had fostered any thoughts of
doing anything with Asuka, which he hadn't, her threats quickly drove
them out with a cattle prod and rabid dogs.
"I wasn't," Shinji replied, irritated that Asuka always thought
he was thinking of that sort of thing. "I can't even see you in the
All was silent, except for the wind and rain outside. Then a
muffled thump came from across the room, followed by Asuka's cry of
"What happened?" Shinji asked.
"I thought the door was where it wasn't. Are you still just
sitting there? Do you want to get killed by the tsunami?"
Shinji shook his head, then realized that didn't communicate
much. "No." He carefully made his way across the room, being careful
feel around for the door.
"Hey! I told you not to touch me!"
"Sorry, I was feeling for the door."
"Well I don't know! Seems you were feeling for me, you pervert!"
(whap) "Ow! Owww...that hurt, Asuka!"
"Maybe that'll teach you to keep your hands to yourself." Asuka
headed through the doorway. Shinji, doubled over in pain, tried to
follow but walked headfirst into the wall.
"Baka," Asuka muttered, sitting down in the darkened hall. It
was going to be a long wait.
"This top-secret emergency meeting of WHAC begins now," Secretary
Kensuke Aida proclaimed. "President Suzuhara has called us here for a
very important reason, which he will now reveal to us."
"Right." Sitting on his bed, Touji observed the other two
members of WHAC, whom he could see because his house's power hadn't gone
out. "Well, we're here because of some problems we've encountered. Our
efforts to prevent a relationship from forming between Shinji and our
diabolical nemesis have, for all intents and purposes, failed."
"Not completely true," David noted. "They haven't gone out on
another date, and I don't see either one trying to deepen the
relationship. Seems that they're only friends, and will remain that way
for quite a while."
"Right, and that's good. But nonetheless, anything between them
at all is a problem, because We Hate Asuka. We don't want Shinji to
suffer, and we don't want to have to suffer to hang out with Shinji. So
we need new strategies for breaking things up. Any ideas?"
Things were pretty silent.
"Um," Kensuke said.
And things were silent again.
"Hey, er, Asuka? ...I have something important to tell you.
About the time I kissed you." Shinji inhaled carefully. "Well, ah, I
meant it. I am really actually deeply in love with you.
"No, wait," he continued. "I know what you're thinking, that it
could never work out. Especially after we've been nothing more than
friends. But I've felt like this from the day I first laid eyes on you.
I know you're mean to me a lot, but just your presence and your beauty
make me feel so wonderful, just filled with joy, I can't even express it
in words. And even when you act like you're better than me--it's
justified, because you are better than me. You have more talent and
courage and, well, just energy than anyone at all I know!
"And I'm tired of keeping this a secret from you. I want you to
know that I can't live without you, without us together. Do you think
that we could have a future together? I do." Shinji pressed his lips
against the air, pretending that Asuka was actually in front of him. He
held the back of her imaginary head, running his hands through the hair
that wasn't there. "Mmm...oh, Asuka, I love you, so much," he said
between virtual kisses. "Ohhh...Asuka...mmm, mmmmm..."
The toilet flushed, and Asuka emerged from the bathroom into the
hallway. Shinji abruptly stopped his make-out session. "What the heck
were you doing?" Asuka asked suspiciously.
"Eating," Shinji said, making chewing motions. He swallowed
"I don't believe you," she replied, a dubious look on her face.
"Looked more like you were involved in some pretty deep kissing there."
And Asuka stopped talking there, looking skeptically at Shinji,
She's smart. It's only a matter of time before she realizes
what I really think of her. I'm dead, I'm dead. What am I supposed to
Crash. A bolt of lightning split the sky, making its light
visible even in the windowless hallway. Rain spattered against the
Shinji thought about the storm, and how he could die. It might
not happen, but people had died before in tsunamis. The force of the
wave could do any number of deadly things to the building, causing death
to himself or Asuka. He recalled the numerous moments of untruth when
had denied--to Asuka, to others, to himself--that he loved her and
her to love him back. The times when he had deliberately acted as if he
didn't feel that way. And before either of them died--
--he wanted her, at the very least, to know.
"Ooops," Luke Ferrell said. He felt around the floor, searching
for the pair of spectacles that he had accidentally knocked off the
Kneeling carefully and cautiously, he scoured the floor for the fallen
"Ooooops," Luke said very quietly.
In the flash of lightning which caused the crash, he saw Rei
Ayanami standing in the doorway, clad in her No-Hentai Suit(tm), an
inexpression on her face. She walked over to him, and he stood,
explaining as he got to his feet.
"Er, I'm sorry. I was caught out in the rain, see, and I needed
a place to be safe and not ket grilled, ah, get killed in the tsunami.
And so I came into this apartment complex, and I was knocking on doors
and yours was unlocked and I didn't know it was yours or that you were
just taking a shower, sorry, and so I"
am going to omit the part about breaking your glasses
"came in here to wait for the all clear signal."
Suddenly, inexplicably, Luke lost his balance, probably through
nervousness. He slipped, flailing for something to stabilize him. He
pulled on the handle of a drawer, but the drawer came out, spilling its
contents everywhere. So he reached for Rei Ayanami, but sort of
with her instead and continued to fall. A moment of chaos ensued; when
it was over, Luke found himself on top of Rei. His hand was resting on
the No-Hentai Suit(tm)'s AT field, a few inches above her...
Not again, Rei thought.
"I feel a great disturbance in the Force," David Bever said.
"Really? How?" asked the other two members of WHAC.
"Magic." He grinned secretively.
"That's right," Shinji said. "Kissing." He stared
semi-defiantly at Asuka, who stared right back. He saw an unnerving
amount of confidence in her eyes, which caused him to feel small and
insecure. Hoping to maybe inhale some of the confidence she was
radiating, he gulped air.
"I..." he started. But he hadn't gotten any confidence in that
So he said it anyway, in a very small and rapid and
self-conscious voice. "i'minlovewithyouasuka."
"What's that? I can't hear you, Third Child."
"I said, i'minlo...er, I'm in love with you...Asuka."
She looked at him carefully, for a long time. What was she
thinking? Was she studying him, to see if he was good enough for her?
Shinji didn't know. All he knew was that he'd finally said it, and the
ten thousand hamsters in his chest had returned en masse with some of
their friends and relations. He recalled why they'd been there
originally, because of how beautiful Asuka had looked before their date
about a month ago. She had caused them.
Hey, he'd never said anything about how she looked. "You looked
really good on our date back in December," he said. He thought she'd be
He didn't expect her to break down crying, which was what she was
suddenly doing, there in the hallway.
"There it is again," interjected David Bever. "That great
disturbance in the Force."
"That's great," Touji said, "but we really have more pressing
matters to attend to, than disturbances. Like developing a strategy to
drive a wedge between Shinji and Asuka. The great disturbance you're
feeling is probably just a result of the storm."
"Or something else." Kensuke put his fingers to his temples,
closing his eyes in intense concentration. "I sense a great disturbance
in David's head."
"Shut UP! Come on, we need to focus on strategies."
"Asuka?" Shinji asked. "Are you okay?" She didn't answer at
first, but eventually she spoke, between sobs.
"I can't stand it. Would you please quit being so nice to me?
(sob) Every time I'm mean to you, and you're just complacent and sweet,
it feels like you're piling hot coals on my head. It hurts, Shinji, it
hurts." She went back to bawling for a little while before speaking
again. "It tells me how bad I am, how much less I am than you. Why do
you always have to show me up?"
This surprised him. He'd never seen himself as better than her.
"But I'm not trying to!" Wrong thing to say. Now she was crying even
harder. "I mean, well, if I knew it was hurting you, I'd have stopped
earlier. But most people like it when people are nice to them, and
that's what I try to do. Because I love you!"
"You're not supposed to hurt the person you're loving, you know."
Asuka's voice was hard to make out through her sobs.
"I know. I'm sorry." Shinji sat, quietly, watching her cry. He
didn't know what more to say. So he just sat there, in the hall, across
from her. For several minutes he sat, the only sounds being the rain
against the windows and her sobbing. Eventually she stopped.
She slowly moved herself next to him, sniffling quietly. Then,
she rested her head carefully on his shoulder, causing the hamsters in
his chest to use his heart as a hamster wheel. It wasn't a bad feeling,
kind of warm and fuzzy. He put an arm around her shoulder, and was
surprised that she didn't push it away.
It wasn't thunder this time, but instead the sound of a giant
tidal wave colliding with the apartment building, transferring all the
force of its momentum to the structural supports of the complex.
as he felt Asuka's arms around his midsection and heard her screaming
(directly into his ear), hoped they were sufficiently durable supports.
Touji's house felt the impact of the wave, too. After it hit,
there were a few moments of silence, until a voice came from under the
bed. "That was one heck of a disturbance, David," it said.
"Tell me about it." David lifted a very heavy bowling trophy off
of his chest. "See, I told you I can feel the Force."
Fortunately for Shinji and the object of his affections, the
building's supports were indeed sufficiently durable. Nonetheless, the
apartment had definitely felt the tsunami's force. Shinji pushed
up off the floor, then rose to his feet. He helped Asuka to hers. "We
should check on the glass, to see if the wave broke it," he concluded.
The two went to the living room, looking through a fully intact
glass window. Through it the heavy rain was visible, with millions of
drops of water spattering against the glass and pavement, illuminated by
periodic flickers of distant lightning. It was quiet, not completely
silent, but background-noise quiet, and peaceful.
Shinji felt all right.
Asuka cleared her throat, as if to speak.
Except that she didn't know what to say. She wanted to
apologize, but she didn't know for what. And if she didn't know for
what, she had nothing to apologize for. For not loving Shinji? Not
being nice to him? No; she felt the way she felt, and she had no reason
to be sorry for that.
How did she feel?
Grateful, for how nice he was, in spite of her. So she said
that: "Thank you, Shinji."
"Just being nice. Even though I'm not."
"You're nice." He sounded confused. "Why would I be nice to
you, if I didn't think you were nice?"
She looked at him and found that he was already looking at her.
In a way that was so powerful, yet vulnerable, that she felt completely
undeserving as the object of it. She could see compassion, caring,
contentment, all in his eyes, and it made her feel inferior. She wanted
to deserve that gaze...why? Because she was feeling the same things
"Holy crap, this is getting soppy!" Jackson Ferrell shouted. "It
sickens me to write this at all." He decided immediately to fix that,
because it had gone on long enough.
Asuka never had been the best at articulating her feelings. So,
she forgot about it and kissed Shinji on the lips.
And lo, Shinji was ecstatic.
David Bever felt another, deeper, more profound disturbance in
the Force, one that did not bode well for either Touji Suzuhara or
Kensuke Aida or Gendo Ikari. However, it boded very well for Asuka and
Did it bode well for himself? David didn't know. Sometimes the
Force doesn't let you know these things; other times it doesn't bode at
Jackson Ferrell turned on his midi of "Fly Me to the Moon," stood
up from his computer, and began to speak.
"Hey, everyone. How was this episode? Geez, I haven't written
so much WAFF since...well, gee, I can't remember ever writing this much
WAFF. It kinda turns my stomach. But it's also kinda fun, like eating
tuna with hot sauce.
"Okay, maybe I should quit with the weird metaphors and skip
right to the Special Thanks. I'd like to thank all the contributors to
this episode: Erin Ellis, for her indispensable advice with the tsunami
bit; the movie Dumb and Dumber, for inspiration regarding a certain
part; Five Iron Frenzy (as usual, but especially this time), for writing
a song that fit so well with Gendo Ikari's Evil Plan to Save the World;
and anyone else who inspired me in any way, no matter how infinitesimal
"And now, I have a very big announcement to make." He looked
nervously at his computer, as if it would burst into tears at any
Or not. "I know a some of you will not be really pleased with this,
some may even be disappointed in me. But nonetheless, I've got to put
Slurpee on indefinite hold, so that I don't have the pressure of writing
another episode breathing down my neck. I feel like there's always a
Slurpee that needs to be written, a really tremendous demand that makes
me tired. I just need the time. So I'm really sorry if anyone
absolutely detests this development, but it has to be done. The next
Slurpee will come out God-knows-when; I promise it will come out
sometime; please don't ask me when because I don't know.
"Well, so long, and thanks for reading this," Jackson said,
waving. The midi finished. He turned it off and went to go have a