Tina's World Mystery Science Theater Too!!!

A note from the author...

Here we go again - second part of Tina's World: Chaos in Time. It just keeps getting better... Yeah, right.

Sailor Moon is copyright Naoko T./DIC. Tina's world is copyright 1997- 98 Tina and contributing authors, of which I'm ashamed to say I'm one.


Chapter Ten    Chapter Eleven    Chapter Twelve    Chapter Thirteen    Chapter Fourteen    Chapter Fifteen    More...

[The scene - a well furnished apartment, with two couches in an L formation in front of a large cabinet that includes a wide-screen TV and video recorder. The apartment has a few doors to who-knows-where, and a small kitchenette.]

[Rick wanders in wearing a camouflage jacket and a helmet and carrying a microphone.]

Rick: I'm here near the front lines of the ongoing Ayanami/Mizuno holy war. It's a messy battle, with both sides simply discarding tactics and charging headlong at each other over the battlefield. To date, hundreds of soldiers have been killed on both sides in a conflict that threatens to boil over and rend asunder all of Geocities/Tokyo.
Rebecca: [Off camera] We can only hope.
Rick: But what of the innocents caught in the middle of this bloody conflict? Sadly, both sides are escalating the conflict, irrespective of who gets caught in the way. A tragic reminder of the effects this war is having on innocent bystanders; this child's teddy bear.

[Camera pans over to a battered teddy bear lying on top of a pile of cushions.]

Rebecca: [Off camera] Ah, that's just Damien's teddy bear.
Rick: [Puts down microphone] Ah, nuts. You went and ruined the whole thing.
Dan: [Walking on] Hey guys, what's happening?
Rebecca: Rick reporting live from the war front for Globelink News.
Dan: Huh?
Rick: Never mind. Too sophisticated for a lout like you.
Dan: Watch it.
Tsuneo: [Off camera] Cut it out, you guys.

[They wander over to the couches, and the camera pans to follow them. Tsuneo is sitting on one of the couches, reading a large book intently.]

Dan: What you got there?
Tsuneo: Sun Tzu's Art of War.
Rick: Whoah! Heavy stuff.
Rebecca: Not quite. [Reaches behind book and pulls the Grunge the Movie graphic novel from where Tsuneo had it hidden.] Geez, and I thought Dan was immature.
Dan: Hey!
Tsuneo: You're no fun anymore.
Voice: Hello again.
Dan: Hey there! Good to hear from you.
Voice: If you wouldn't mind being seated, we can begin on part two of Tina's world, now that the TV's been repaired.
Rick: Do we have a choice?

[They all sit; Rick next to rebecca on the couch facing the TV, and Dan sits next to Tsuneo on the perpendicular couch.]

Rebecca: How about something less painful, like bashing our heads against brick walls?
Tsuneo: Can I have my comic back?
Rebecca: Nuh-uh. We're all suffering together.
Voice: Oh, and Rebecca, please try and moderate your comments this time round.
Rebecca: I'm sorry. I just... It was the subject. Those scouts got to me.
Dan: In what way, I wonder.
Rebecca: Dan, another comment like that, and you'll find yourself without a spleen.
Voice: Dan, I'll also need you to hand over your weapon. [Dan grumbles and puts it on the kitchen bench, then returns to his seat.] You too, Tsuneo.
Tsuneo: [Draws sword] You can have this when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers.
Voice: [Gulp] Aah... Okay, just put it on the ground, and let's all forget about it. [Tsuneo does so.]

[The TV screen lights up]

       Tina's world

Tsuneo: Two blocks down from Movie World.

       Sailor Moon:

Rick: [Camp] Hello sailor!

       Chaos in Time.
       A multi-author fanfiction.

Rebecca: And a multi-author riffing.
      The Present
Dan: For me? You shouldn't have!
   "Rubeus," the voice summoned. Rubeus came, unhappy. He knew why 
   Wiseman called him.
Rebecca: No. I promised.
   That's why he was unhappy.
Rebecca: Because it's his turn to wear the Sailor Suit.
Tsuneo: Stop that!
   Granted, he hadn't completely failed, but with the destruction of 
   the Time Key... well, it wasn't quite a plus on his record. 
Rick: Are there any plusses on his record?
Tsuneo: His mum's going to be angry when she sees his report card.
   Approaching Wiseman he kneeled.  "Wiseman, I await your command." 
[Dan gives Rebecca an evil glare. She looks innocently back at him.]
Rebecca: What?
   "Well, Rubeus, I sent you to do something, and you actually did it.
   That's a first. Congratulations." He clapped sarcastically.  Rubeus
   stiffened. "However, you have lost my Time Key. Do you realize what this
Rick: Napalm enema time?
Tsuneo: That would be very painful.
Rick: That was the idea.
   "I will go retrieve the pieces at once." 
Dan: [Inferno] Yes, my queen!
Rick: [Megatron] I do wish he'd stop calling me that.
Tsuneo: This is of course ignoring the fact that he couldn't find his nose with a map.
Rebecca: Let's see him stuff this one up.
   "WRONG!" Wiseman countered.  "Fool, you can't!
All: We know that.
   The remaining pieces were thrown into the beam!  They're now in the
   future whenever you sent those annoying Scouts.  There's nothing we can
   do about it now." 
Rebecca: [Rubeus] Right then! I'll write a memo to myself in the future!
Tsuneo: [Hades] Memo, to me, from me, find pieces of time scepter and kill scouts.
   Rubeus gritted his teeth. 
Rebecca: It had been snowing, and the car couldn't get any traction.
   Wiseman sat back in his throne.  "Don't fret, Rubeus, you've done
   well.  Now, with Sailor Moon out of the way, we can begin our onslaught
   on a world rich and ripe for the picking." 
Rick: Who is this wiseman anyway?
Rebecca: A convenient target?
Tsuneo: A bad plot element?
Rebecca: A good example of L.W?
Dan: L.W?
Rebecca: Lazy Writer.
Rick: I'm so glad I asked.
   Rubeus smiled. 

      The Future
Rick: Meanwhile, back in the aftermath...
Dan: The morning after the night before.
   The Scouts gawked at the mohawked girl.  "Sailor Moon, is it really
Tsuneo: [Serena] No, I'm a frost-free fridge.
   "Of course it is.
Tsuneo: A fridge, that is.
   Do you need me to go through the whole spiel?  'I am Sailor Moon,
   Champion of Justice, yadda yadda yadda."  She recited her battle cry, all
   in a half mocking tone. 
Rick: Thank you so much to the writer for sparing us that small indignity.
Rebecca: As opposed to her voice actress, who usually does it in a completely mocking tone.
Rick: You're right you know. I once read an interview with her voice actress. She made even Dan look like a genius.
Dan: Er, thanks... I think.
   "You've really changed, haven't you Serena," Jupiter murmured,
Rebecca: No shit, Sherlock.
Dan: [Serena] Naw, this is just my halloween costume.
   "I know," she replied sadly. 
Dan: [Serena] It took me hours to put it on.
   "Serena..." Mars said, fingering the sore, red mark on her face. 
Tsuneo: [Mars, angry] How dare you slap me! That's my schtick!
Rebecca: Ah... I'd better not.
Dan: Good girl.
   Sailor Venus shook her head.  "I can't believe it.
Rick: Neither can we.
Tsuneo: Yeah. How does someone that blonde get to save the world?
Rick: Destiny, I'm afraid.
Rebecca: You mean density.
Dan: Stop that right now!
Rebecca: Oh, what's the matter Dan? We beating up on your girlfriend?
   How could this be true?
Tsuneo: [Announcer] Through the miracles of bad fanfiction and plot contrivances.
   You've aged seven years in 30 seconds?" 
Rick: [Q] You're not thinking fourth-dimensionally, Picard.
   The mohawked girl looked frustrated.  "How am I supposed to know?
   Since when was I a science whiz?" 
Tsuneo: Since never.
   "Speaking of a science whiz..." Jupiter stopped, concerned.   "What
   happened to Amy?  Don't tell me we lost her too!" 
Rebecca: And there was much rejoicing.
Tsuneo: [Bored] Yay.
Rick: She's just gone to change into her-
Dan: Stop right there!
Rick: What?
   Sailor Moon frowned.  "So they've started already..."
Rick: No we started at the introduction. Pay attention.
   she muttered. "Come on, we can save her, but only if we go to the
   Dark Tower now."
Rick: Insert dramatic music here.
Dan & Tsuneo: Dum-dum-duuhh!
Rebecca: What's the bets it's covered with vines? They always are, you know.
   The three remaining Scouts looked at each other. "Come on, do you
   want to save her or not?" 
Rebecca: Not.
   What choice did the scouts have?
Rebecca: Not saving her?
Tsuneo: Nope. Fanfiction, remember?
   They followed Sailor Moon and were soon on their way. 

   "Guys, guess what?"
Tsuneo: We're in a bad fanfic, we know.
   Sailor Mercury entered the chamber,
Dan: Hey, where'd she come from?
Rebecca: She fell out of a convenient plot contrivance.
   followed by Athena and Cyllene.  "Look what I--" Mercury was faced
   with an empty room.  "What happened to everyone?"
Tsuneo: The fanfic ate them.
Rebecca: Please.
Rick: Although it had diabetes and died. The end.
      Chapter 10 by Double E.

Rick: Tracks of a one-legged kangaroo.
Tsuneo: I'm trying, but I just can't imagine that.

   In a flash of light, an adolescent girl with green hair and a blue
   and black sailor fuku appeared before them. 
Rebecca: You watch your language, young man!
Dan: No, it's a perfectly valid word.
Rick: Huh?
Dan: It's the Japanese word that often gets translated as 'sailor suit,' and is used for both their school and scout uniforms.
Rebecca: Fanboy.
Tsuneo: So why doesn't he just write it in English?
Rick: Because he's a worse fanboy than Dan.
   "Amy!" the girl cried, hugging her.  "I was afraid I'd never see you
[Everyone stares at Rebecca]
   Amy seemed confused.  "Do I know you?"
Rick: [Liverpudlian accent] So it didn't mean anything to you when we did it behind the pool table in the officer's club.
Rebecca: [Haughty] You didn't tell me about that!
Rick: [Liverpudlian] Well I thought you might've noticed!
[Tsuneo stares gobsmacked at them]
Dan: Okay, you two, leave it until after the fic.
   "You don't recognize me?" she said with a pout.
Rick: [Liverpudlian] Obviously you didn't notice.
   "I'm Rini, but you can call me 'Sailor Time'."
Rebecca: You know, if he was Tom, his head would have exploded by now.
   Sailor Time giggled,
Tsuneo: Oh no... I feel a cuteness attack coming on.
   and Amy knew right away it was Rini.  She smiled and hugged her,
   then stepped back to have a look. 
Rebecca: Are you guys getting worried by this too?
[Others all nod]
   "Rini, you've grown so much,"
Rebecca: Trust her to notice.
Voice: [Ahem] Rebecca?
Rebecca: Sorry. That one was just asking for it.
   she said.  "Have we been gone that long?" 

   "Yes.  No.  I don't know.
Tsuneo: No, you don't, do you?
Dan: Six? Nine? Aspirin? Mice? Fiberglass?
Tsuneo: What?
Dan: I'm going for the realistic answers.
   This time travel stuff is so confusing,"
Rick: This fanfic is so confusing.
   Rini whined.  "Hey, where are all the others?" 
Tsuneo: I'd say 'in a crappy fanfic,' but she's here too.
Rebecca: And you've done it to death.
   "That's what I'd like to know," answered Amy, looking worried.
   "They were here a moment ago.  I left the room only briefly, and when I
   came back they were gone.  I just wanted to show them this..." 

   "Ooh," gasped Rini.  "A piece of the Time Key!"
Tsuneo: Just a thought... How does she know what it is?
Rick & Rebecca: PLOT HOLE!
   When she touched it, it began to glow brilliantly.
Dan: [Kyle] Whoah, dude! Check it out!
   Startled, she drew back, and it returned to normal.  "Where did you
   find it?" 

   "It fell on my head,"
Rick: Making a hollow ringing noise.
Dan: Grr...
Tsuneo: [Amy] I really needed those brain cells! I haven't got many to spare!
Dan: GGGRRR!!!
   Amy replied, blushing.  "Cyllene and Athena took me aside to discuss
   what's happened to Serena,
Rebecca: I'll bet.
Tsuneo: Rebecca!
Dan: Must... kill... Rebecca...
   and out of nowhere it just fell on me." 
Tsuneo: It fell out of a plot hole, obviously.
   Rini nodded.  "I knew something happened to her.  I could feel it,
   like I was being turned inside out or something.
Dan: Oh look! There's her spleen!
   Next thing I knew I was somewhen else, and I've been looking for her
   ever since." 
Tsuneo: Hold on, pause. [The fanfic pauses.] Now, this is a big one. If she can travel through time, why not go back and undo his plot in the first place?
Rebecca: Sshh.
Tsuneo: No, seriously. I mean, Rubeus could have done something just like that in chapter one, but instead, he sends them to fight him in the future. Doesn't anyone think about this kind of thing before submitting?
Rebecca: They're fanfic authors. Thinking is something they're incapable of.
Rick: You hear that, Mr. Great Big Head in the Sky?
Voice: Yes. [The tape unpauses.]
   Cyllene asked, "How long ago was that?" 
Rick: Oh, a few chapters.
   "I don't know," repeated Rini.
Tsuneo: [Rini] I haven't been paying attention to the fanfic.
Rebecca: You're not the only one.
   "All I know is that I haven't been back home yet and I really miss
Dan: Which home? Crystal Tokyo, or Serena's place to scam off her parents.
Tsuneo: Do they actually have names or anything? Just a thought.
Rebecca: Mr. & Mrs. Domestic.
   "Well, if you were about six when we left," began Amy, rubbing her
   chin thoughtfully.  "I'd say you've been time-travelling... for about
   seven years." 
All: Hmmmm...
Rick: Where we'd rather be.
   Rubeus smiled. 
Dan: He does that a lot.
   The image of the Sailor Warriors faded in the viewing globe,
Dan: So suddenly he's in the Power Rangers' command center?
[Tsuneo falls to the floor, gagging]
Rick: Just a brown-out.
   leaving him alone in his throne room with his new found prisoner.
Rick: [Rubeus] I just found her in the dungeon. Can I keep her, please?
   He rose from his throne and strode over to the vine-like wall where
   Serena was entrapped;
Rebecca: See! Vines! I told you!
Tsuneo: This is a really big chapter.
Rick: Maybe we were extra bad?
   her arms and legs absorbed into the wall.  Her eyes blinked open,
   and she raised her head to look Rubeus in the eye. 
Dan: Plural. Usually.
   "Welcome back, Princess," he said mockingly. 
Dan: Okay, another plot hole. The villains never actually know who they are, let alone that she's the moon princess.
Rebecca: Fanboy.
Tsuneo: [Shocked] She's royalty? Talk about in-breeding.
Rebecca: Case for the Republic no. 995.
   Serena let out a little yell of astonishment, then looked around.
   "Where am I, what have you done," she cried piteously. 
Rebecca: [Serena] Where are my underpants?
Dan: Ahem...
Rebecca: Ah, bite me.
   "You're my guest in this palace.  I've waited so long to make up for
   what your vile brat did to me." 
Tsuneo: You mean Rini? Now he's talking sense. I'd like to wring her neck too.
Dan: What for?
Tsuneo: Crimes against humanity.
Rebecca: Read: Overwhelming cuteness.
Rick: Take a number and get in line.
   "What are you talking about?"  Rubeus stepped forward out of the
   shadows and held her chin in his hand.  Serena gasped as she got a clear
   look at his face.  His left eye was obscured by a mass of scar tissue,
   and he had long scars all over the left side of his face. 
Dan: [Winces] Ow. That makes two with nasty facial scars.
Rebecca: Probably indicating a lack of originality on the author's part.
Tsuneo: Do I spot a trend forming?
   "Your child did this, but I will soon have my revenge on both you
   and your friends."  He smiled evilly.  "They are being led straight into
   a trap." 
Rick: Oh, man. Did this guy go to villain's school, or what.
Rebecca: [Doctor Evil] Now put her in an overtly elaborate but easily escapable deathtrap, explain all our plans to her simply and clearly, and then leave her alone, unguarded to die.
   "They'd never fall for that!"
Tsuneo: Watch 'em.
   "Oh, they already have.
Tsuneo: See?
   You see, they're being led by my agent-- you after I extract my
   revenge for seven years!" 
Rick: I notice that number coming up a lot.
Rebecca: Funny, that.
      Chapter 11 by Naia Zifu.
      Elsewhere by Jinas. 
Tsuneo: That explains it.
Rebecca: Oh, Mr. Great Big Head in the Sky? Someone's not happy...


Rick: South Australia/Northern Territory border. Please declare all your dingoes before you enter.

   Serena's eyes widened.  "I would never give in to you like that!!
Rick: Acting!
   "We'll just see about that."  Rubeus grinned evilly and held his
   hand up.  "Let the torture begin."
All: YAY!
Tsuneo: That was a short... Oh, sorry.
   "So, how are we going to do this?
Rebecca: I will be strong.
   Your friends have left and we can't contact them," asked Athena. 
Dan: What about those little communicators they had?
Rebecca: Ssh. Naughty.
   "Sailor Time, you can transport us through time, right?" 

   "No...until I can get the Time Key fixed, I can only send myself through
Dan: Great. Can you go get me a burger?
Rick: Go back in time and make it so we never answer this stupid ad?
Rebecca: Go back in time and make it so this thing was never written.
Tsuneo: And I thought I was mean.
   Sailor Mercury fidgeted with her earring and her visor materialized.
   "My readings say that there are...two Sailor Moons?!?!" 
Tsuneo: Hang on... how does she get that?
Rick: And if it can detect them, why can't it locate them?
Rebecca: Quiet, guys. You'll induce head explosions.
[All look thoughtfully at Dan.]
   Cyllene giggled.
Tsuneo: Cuteness! Ack! Bleagh!
   "Relax, there's no surprise there, Lady Mercury.  There are two
   Sailor Moons because there's the one from this time and the one from your
Rick: [Timon] And everyone's okay with this?
Rebecca: Two Sailor Moons... Now there's a justifiable cause for planet destruction weapons.
Rick: That's not as funny as you think.
Dan: Just a thought... But by that reasoning, does it mean that there are two of all of them?
   "Of course...something's wrong, though...I'd like to do some more
   scans, but I don't have time now.  We have to go to this dark dimension
Dan: I thought it was a tower.
Tsuneo: Now, it was the dark dimension first.
Dan: Not a tower?
Tsuneo: No, then it became a tower.
Dan: And then the dark dimension again?
Tsuneo: Good boy.
Dan: Fine. When can I go home?
   and get Ser-"

   "No, Mercury.  You have to stay here, in case your friends return.
   Besides, you have powers that will need sharpening after your powerup. 
   The Ice Scythe is a strong weapon and you need to learn to use it
Rick: How do you know about this ice scythe anyway?
[All sit in silence for a moment.]
   Cyllene insisted.  She took Mercury into a battle-worn room for
   training.  Athena and Sailor Time were left alone to discuss their ideas. 

Tsuneo: Now that is a good question, Rick.
Rick: Well?
   The Sailor Scouts walked behind their older, stronger leader.  Rei
Rebecca: Someone grabbing her rear end.
   a pang in the back of her mind, and recognized it as a premonition.
Rebecca: That someone was about to grab her rear end.
   "Lita," she whispered, "something's wrong...very wrong." 
Tsuneo: No. Not even I'm going to flog a dead horse that much.
   "Rei, shut up.  We have more important things to worry about!"
Rick: Oh, sure. Don't listen to the evil detector.
Rebecca: That's on/off detect evil, by the way. Like, when it's right under her nose.
   Lita sped up to get away from her. 

   Rei walked to Mina.
Rebecca: [Rei] Well, I just blew it with her, I think I'll try and pick up another one. [Pause] Ain't anyone going to get me for that?
Dan: I haven' the heart anymore.
Rick: I haven't felt this bad since part 2 of Indy Macross.
   "Mina, there's something wrong.  I have a bad feeling about this

   "Raye, that's only because she slapped you.
Tsuneo: And stole your schtick.
   Relax, we have to find our Serena and Amy." 
Dan: [Mina] I don't want to miss out on the fun!
Rebecca: Honestly, Dan.
Dan: I... I don't know what came over me.
   They came upon a tall, dark tower.
Dan: I'm not going to think about it.
Tsuneo: Where are the vines?
   Sailor Moon turned her face away from the group, and a black moon
   glowed in her tiara.
Rick: That's a damn big headpiece.
Rebecca: Of course, how a black thing can glow...
Tsuneo: Now that's just getting petty.
   [Master Rubeus, I have three Sailor Scouts for you.  I will be
   arriving shortly.] 
Dan: [Rubeus] Fine, except they're the Sailor Warriors now, remember?
Tsuneo: That's one to make me proud.
   [You pathetic weakling.  Why aren't you bringing four?!]
Rebecca: [Serena] I've only got two arms!
   [Mercury could not be found!]
Rebecca: She was busy at a sci-fi convention in amongst all the anoraks.
Rick: The plug was still being inserted into Unit 00.
Dan & Tsuneo: Rick!
   [I will overlook your failure for now.  Bring them here.]
Tsuneo: I have this sickening sense of Deja Vu, like...
Rick: Rubeus is about to goof up big time?
Tsuneo: No, more like Serena's about to goof up. She's the minion now, remember?
   [Yes, master.] 
Rick: [Igor] I am at your beck and call master!
   Sailor Moon's tiara returned to normal and she led the three into
   the tower.  Suddenly, Serena's voice cried out, "Help me!!"  Without a
   word, they dashed into the black tower.  But no matter what anyone else
   said, Rei could not shake the feeling in the back of her mind. 
Rebecca: Or on the back of her...
[Evil stares all round]
Rebecca: Sorry.
      Chapter 12 by Silver Starr. 
Rebecca: Guilty of bad fanfiction and gross misspelling.
Dan: It's a bad sign when you can't even spell your name right.
Rick: But you don't even know your name!
Dan: True.


Tsuneo: [Lecturer] And here we can see the constellation boredom.

   As Serena gawked at Rubeus's mangled face, a new figure approached
Dan: [Announcer] Chaos in Time action figures now available.
Rebecca: [Ditto] Fanfic sold separately. Talent not included.
   followed by three bound and hooded forms.  "I have brought them for
   you, Master," said the mohawked one.  Rubeus's face lit up with something
   akin to a smile, while Serena's jaw dropped. 
Tsuneo: CLANG!
Rick: [Rubeus] Pick that up, lackey.
Dan: Which Serena?
   "Dispose of them now,"
Rick: [Rubeus] But in an envornmentally friendly way.
Tsuneo [Ditto] It's garbage collection day tomorrow.
Rebecca: Then we'd better evict this fanfic.
   he ordered with a wave of his hands.  "Make it painful for their
   friend to watch," he added as an afterthought.
ALL: He thinks!
   The mohawked one ripped off the hoods
Dan: Making tacky copies to sell in Hong Kong.
   and shoved the three Sailor Warriors
Tsuneo: See?
Rick: Wait a sec, the last I saw, they were dashing off into the tower. Now they're all bound, bagged and hooded. What happened?
   to the ground.  Gruffly,
   she put a foot on Mina's back and held her hands out before her.  A
   sword of shadow formed in her outstretched hands, glinting with dark
Rick: But Mr. Morden then sued her for plagarism.
   She raised the sword high, aiming for Mina's neck.
Rebecca: Yay!
   After a moment's suspense, the blade plumetted down and Serena
Rick: Does she ever do anything else?
Tsuneo: Finally, some suspense!
Dan: I have a bad feeling about this...
      Chapter 13 by Sailor Dragon. 
Dan: Why would a dragon need to sail? It can fly.


Rebecca: The path of a unicycle with a square wheel.

   A withered rose
Dan: Oh, god, no! Please not him! This ALWAYS happens! Why can't they EVER fight for themselves?
Rick: Because they're a bunch of whiny little twerps who have problems tying their own shoelaces.
Rebecca: Ever wonder why Mars always wears high heels?
   streaked across the room, embedding itself deep within the fiend's
   sword hand.  The sword clattered to the ground
Dan: But... She summoned it. Wouldn't it just evaporate there and then?
Rick: Added to that was that she was still holding it over Mina's head and... Hey!
   and evaporated as
Dan: Fair enough.
   its bearer shrieked with pain.  All eyes turned to the source of the
   rose- a dark man with a cape, cane, tall hat, and a black mask. 
Dan: White mask.
Tsuneo: What is this, a fancy dress ball?
Rebecca: No, he always dresses like that.
Tsuneo: Doesn't ANYONE around here wear armor?
Rick: Nope.
Dan: It would be no fun if they did.
Rebecca: Perv.
   "Tuxedo Mask!" Serena cried.
Rick: As always.
Rebecca: Now who saw that coming?
   It was Rubeus's turn to gawk as he stared at Tuxedo. 
Tsuneo: Yes, surprise, surprise, it's a suit on a rack. Now, if he stared at Tuxedo Mask...
Rick: What's so surprising about a suit?
Dan: I'll bet he's seven years older and badly scarred.
   "I thought I'd gotten rid of you," he mumbled.  "Looks like I'll have
   to do the job right this time." 
Rebecca: [Rubeus] Next ime, I'll use Raid!
Rick: He never does the job right!
Tsuneo: Why start now and break the habit of a lifetime?
   Tuxedo Mask leapt down, cane in hand.  In the light, everyone could
   see his battle scars: A scarred neck, a slightly marred hand, a slash
   running from above the hairline down to under his chin, and another slash
   running from his ear to under the collar of his tuxedo. 
[Stunned silence]
Tsuneo: You win.
Dan: I wish I hadn't.
   "En garde," he said dryly, readying his cane.  At this, Rubeus
   grinned and produced a sword made of black crystal.
Rick: I wonder what Freud would say about this scene.
Tsuneo: He'd probably say 'Help, help, I'm stuck in a bad fanfic!'
Rebecca: Does that horse get any deader?
Tsuneo: And what's wrong with steel? Perfectly good material for a sword...
Rebecca: Of course, Rubeus would feel like a right burke if he suddenly drew a pistol and shot him.
   Both men fell into a ready stance. 
      Chapter 14 by Sailor Dragon. 
Rick: Again?
Tsuneo: These chapters are getting mighty short.
Rebecca: Thank God.


Rick: The battle of the line.

   Running toward the Dark Tower were two girls--one with long, pale
   pink hair placed in meatball pigtails,
Dan: Oh, gods, no!
   and another with long, knee-length black hair.
Tsuneo: That must be so hard to wash.
Dan: [Looks over at Rebecca] Yeah...
Rebecca: She'd go throught a small fortune in conditioner.
   The pink-haired girl wore a red and pink sailor costume, and the
   black-haired girl wore brown and white. 
Dan: Naturally [grins]
Rick: Thus making them both inviting targets for strafing runs.
Rick and Rebecca: [Make WWII airplane noises]
   "How did we lose Dad like that, Celeste?" asked the pink-haired girl.
Tsuneo: Dad? Oh, dear...
   "Don't know, Rini,"
Dan: Please, no.
   answered Celeste.  "Dad just knew that *Mom* was going to hurt
   someone and he vanished.  It isn't like he could stop being Tuxedo Mask."
Tsuneo: They've got kids? Man, I wouldn't like to be their marriage counselor.
   "I know.  Do you regret it?  Coming here from the far-future?" asked
Rick & Rebecca: [More airplane noises]
Tsuneo: [Celeste] Of course I do! They lost my luggage sometime in the Jurassic!
   "No, Sailor Moon.
Rebecca: What a hissy little drama queen. [Pause] Where were we?
Rick: JU-87s over the eastern front.
Rebecca: Right.
Rick & Rebecca: [Still more airplane noises]
   How can I regret seeing my older sister as a kid?" 
Dan: Because she was a spoiled, whiny, obnoxious, sickeningly sweet, pink-haired, little mutie!
Rick: There's a term: Cute Furry Bogflop. I think it applies here.
Dan: I need a drink.
   Celeste smiled and stopped.  "Did you hear that?" she asked. 
   Mimicking her younger sister, she said, "No, Sailor Earth." 
Dan: GGGGGGGGGYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!! [He collapses to the ground in a faint.]
Rick: What a girly.
Rebecca: Mission accomplished. Return to base.

   About fifty feet away, Sailor Mercury and Sailor Time also headed for the
   Dark Tower.
Rick: In Unit 00.
Tsuneo: What are you trying to achieve?
Rick: I'm hoping to snap Dan out of it.
   Safely hidden on her person, Mercury had the piece of the Time Key.
   Suddenly, Sailor Time stopped.  "Amy, stop!" 

   Amy stopped.  "What is it?" she asked. 
Rick: It's a verb indicating to cease motion, but that's not important right now.
   "Something's going to happen to us," said Sailor Time. 
Tsuneo: Please?
   Suddenly, two people knocked them onto the ground.  Sailor Mercury
   was held down by Sailor Moon,
Rebecca: As usual.
   and Sailor Time by Sailor Earth.  Sailor Mercury squinted at the pink
   -haired Sailor Moon.  "Rini?" she asked, confused. 
Rebecca: [Rini, embarassed] Sorry! Thought you were someone else!
Dan: [From floor] Stop that.
Tsuneo: Welcome back. [Helps him up onto the couch again.]
   "What?" asked both Rinis.  Then they looked at each other. 
Rick: Now if that's not a prime target for a cluster bomb, I don't know what is.
Tsuneo: [Voice of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy] ...And can be assured not to meet yourself due to the extreme embarassment this usually causes.
Rebecca: [Ditto] This is of course impossible.

   Tuxedo Mask and Rubeus went at it,
[All stare at Rebecca]
Rebecca: What? I was not going to say a thing!
Dan: Yeah. Uh-huh. Sure.
   each trying to cut the other in half. 
Rick: With a cane?
Tsuneo: I'll cut your fats out, don't you believe it?
   Tuxedo Mask seemed more experienced, for he blocked and dodged in a
   way that the younger version had not been able to.  For his part, Rubeus
   was very angry. 
Rick: [Camp] Rathputin, I'm very croth indeed!
   While all this was going on, all of the past scouts ran to their
   Sailor Moon.  "Serena! You okay?" asked Jupiter. 
Tsuneo: [Serena] No, I'm... [Normal] Aw, hell. I haven't got the heart for it any more.
   "Just get me out of this!"
Tsuneo: [Serena] Fanfic! [Normal] Sorry.
Rebecca: [Serena] Set of clothes! [Normal] Sorry.
Rick: Man, she's beginning to sound like Marta.
Dan: Don't make that sound like an insult! Marta's a damned fine person! She's cool!
Rick: [Whispering to Rebecca] Should we tell him?
Rebecca: [Whispering to Rick] It'll just blow his brain.
   whined Serena. 

   But the mohawked Sailor Moon created another sword and ran at them. 
Tsuneo: That's what, three?
Rick: You know, from what I've been able to make out, shouldn't she be able to create an energy blast or something?
Rebecca: Oil and water. Nitro and glycerine. Fanfics and realism.
   Mars summoned her glaive and caught the sword.
Tsuneo: [Mars] Ow! I cut my hand!
Rick: What's a glaive anyway? Is that one of those polearmy things?
Rebecca: Naw, it's a type of French herb.
   "I can't believe you would betray us!"
Rebecca: [Mars] And now I have to kill you! Haha!
Tsuneo: [Mars] Finally! My chance!
   "You left me!  You all deserve to DIE!" 
Rick: No argument there.
   "Not this time," said Warrior Jupiter. 
Tsuneo: Considering this is all about time travel, that was probably meant to be funny.
Rick: [Bored] Ha ha.
   The mohawked Sailor Moon then pushed Mars and her glaive away.
Rick: Actually, according to Peter Walker, Glaive is the Japanese name for the Invid Shock Trooper.
Rebecca: That conjures up pleasant images.
Dan: You've never met an Invid, so don't you talk!
Tsuneo: And anyway, it's 'Glove,' not 'Glaive.'
   She stood between them and Serena.
Rick: And the Shock Trooper.
   "If you want her," she said, eyeing them with revenge,
Dan: I wonder how you do that?
   "You'll have to get past me."

      Chapter 15 by Malaur. 

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