Ayanami Rei was an enigma to most people. Those who knew her would say
that the pale, red eyed girl had no emotions and almost no personality.
Even the man who had brought her into this world, Ikari Gendou, would
admit that she was nothing more than a doll. A doll he cared a great
deal for, but still just a doll.
The young girl was a tool, a nobody to everybody, except to Ikari Shinji. They had an understanding of each other. She had asked what love was, and he had showed it to her. In the hell they called their lives, Rei had no longer wished for oblivion just as long as Shinji was there for her. She could still picture the young boy sitting on her bed, holding her as she actually cried. It felt, good, warm, and comforting. It had continued for a couple of weeks like that. It wasn't a romantic relationship by any means, unless you count the feelings for each other in the young children's hearts.
And then came the 16th Angel, and the she died.
She had heard how the most loving thing you can do is die for someone. She loved Shinji; he would have been absorbed along with Unit-01 if she had not killed herself to keep that from happening. And she would have the chance to explain it to him when she was reborn again.
But that hadn't happened. She had been reborn all right, and then Shinji had found out about her, that she wasn't real, a fake person with a false soul. She remembered seeing Shinji after that, the fear, loathing, and horror in his eyes. Death was nothing to the look in the 14-year-old's brown eyes. She had watched him as he found a friend in Kaoru then killed him. The look on his face when he had gotten out of the entry plug was haunted. She had tried to comfort him as he had comforted her, but he just pushed past her.
Rei had never known a broken heart, some would have said that she didn't have a heart at all. But she did, and now it was broken.
She stood in her apartment now, deep inside the geofront; she could feel Lillith stirring as the time grew close. But she didn't want to, she didn't want to kill Shinji. Even though he might loathe her now, she still loved him. It was perhaps the only thing that made her human still. The only reason she didn't seek oblivion. She was both and at the same time wanting death and fearing it. In her dark apartment where the only light was that of the moon, Rei was held here by a boy who feared her.
She looked around her apartment, she had actually cleaned it when he had come by the first time, and had kept it clean. It seemed to make Shinji happy to see her in a clean room. Now the place was dark and dirty again. Bandages littered the floor by the metal bed, and the room had an unused feeling to it.
What would I do for him? she thought. There was no need to name the him; his face was always on her thoughts. Dying hadn't been enough; he had just run away from her. In her hands she held Gendou's glasses, next to her beaker they were the most prized thing she had. Symbols of a man who had given her life, saved her.
Rei's face turned into a frown. He thought of her as a tool, brought her back, and made Shinji hate her. He made Shinji hate himself, did things so that Shinji hated him. He had caused Shinji to almost kill his friend. She snarled; he had hurt Shinji! With a sharp twist, the glasses snapped in two. The remaining glass fell to the floor in shards. A thin red line appeared on her finger, a cut from the glass.
One time, Shinji had actually worked his courage up to take her to a movie. It had said something about people being connected to their soulmate by a red sting tied to their finger. She watched without emotion as the blood dripped to the floor. A broken string tied to nothing anymore.
She let the broken glasses slip from her fingers onto the hard floor and turned to go. As she passed, if anyone had been around they might have noticed a tear falling from Rei's eye. She paused by the open door, before leaving for NERV.
"Goodbye, Shinji," she said before shutting the door.
What would I do for him? Rei wondered, I would destroy the world.
Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion © GAINAX/ProjectEva•TX•NAS. No infringement is intended.