Suka (looking up from his studies): So... who is he? What's he like?

Shun: Hm?

Suka: What's this guy like?

Shun: What guy?

Suka: You know... the guy who sent you those chocolates on White Day. By the way, they were pretty good... thanks.

Shun (slamming his book shut): For your information, Suka-chan, there's no other guy. Satisfied?

Suka: No other guy? You mean... I still...? (His voice trails off, and he hugs himself with glee)

Shun (getting up from his bed): No, I'm still spoken for. (He smiles)

Suka (face falls): Uh... you are? B-by whom?

(The camera does a quick reverse track, revealing that the dorm room scene is just that - a scene, set up on a stage as if the whole thing were nothing more than a play. Apparantly this is taking place during rehearsal, as there is only one person in the audience at the moment, watching the action and scribbling notes, although at this point, she's stopped writing... this isn't following the script, after all...)

(Shun bounds off the stage into the audience, and glomps the girl observing the proceedings)

Shun: By my dear Ukyou-sama!

(Hasukawa stares out into the audience, a disconcerted look on his face. His roommate's a lesbian on top of everything else?)

Ukyou (grabbing Shun by the shoulders and pushing him to arms length): Shun, will you cut it out? This isn't in the script... (she peers at Shun a little closer) ...and you aren't Shun...

'Shun' (giggling): Nope.

(Ukyou's face darkens as recognition dawns)

Ukyou (standing up and hauling out battle spatula): TSUBASA!! What the HELL are you doing messing up my story? And where's Shun?

Tsubasa (cringing): He didn't show up for rehearsal, and since I was hanging around the theatre anyway, I thought I'd fill in. Anything to be near you, Ukyou-sama!

(Ukyou growls. Taking the battle spatula, she deftly slips it under Tsubasa's feet. With a flick of the wrist, she brings it up, sending him cartwheeling into the theatre's balcony.)

Ukyou (sotto voce): Little pest. (Louder, to stage) Any of you guys hear from Kisaragi, then?

Suka: I thought that was Shun.

Ukyou (again, sotto voce): Figures.

(Mitsuru enters through the prop door at the rear of the stage)

Mitsuru: No, I haven't heard from Shun since Tuesday.

Ukyou: Damn! The next installment's due out, and no one knows where the star is!

Suka: Uh... I thought I was the...

(Ukyou's expression softens)

Ukyou: You are, sugar, you are. It's just that this story is being told from Shun's point of view, so that makes, ah... Shun... kinda indispensable.

Suka: Oh.

(Shinobu enters from stage right, holding a cordless phone. He dials an eight-digit number as he steps down from the stage, and hands the phone to Ukyou.)

Ukyou: Who'dja dial? His folks? (She takes the phone)

Shinobu: No. Just handle these people with kid gloves.

(Ukyou gives Shinobu a quizzical look, but takes the phone anyway)

Voice on phone: Tezuka.

(Ukyou's eyes widen... she's heard that voice from the OVA)

Ukyou: 'A'?

A: Ojou-sama?!

Ukyou: No, I'm not her. Get her on the line, willya?

(Shinobu rolls his eyes and walks back to the stage, shaking his head)

Female phone voice: Moshi-moshi?

Ukyou: Yeah, Nagisa? You've got someone over at your place I want, don'tcha? Long-haired guy name of Kisaragi Shun.

Suka: Guy...?

Mitsuru: You didn't hear that, Hasukawa.

Nagisa (on phone): And so what if I do?

Ukyou: Geez, let him go, already! You're not gonna get anything accomplished by holding him. Why don'tcha just abduct your brother, if he's who you're after?

(Shinobu spins around and waves his hands in front of himself in a 'no-no-no' gesture)

Mitsuru: Huh. That's the most animated I've ever seen you, Shinobu.

Shinobu (quickly composing himself): I just don't want her to get ideas, that's all. It would be like a firecracker going off in a cavern - the echo would be deafening.

Mitsuru: Yeah, right.

Ukyou (still on the phone): Oh, so you're daring us to get him, huh? Just you wait! (she jerks the phone from her ear and presses the 'off' button) I hate these cordless phones... they don't letcha slam the thing down properly. C'mon, everyone, let's go! We gotta rescue Shun!

Suka (bounding from the stage, and running toward Ukyou): What are we waiting for? Get your butts in gear, sempais! (the two of them charge out the rear exit. Mitsuru and Shinobu look at each other, shrug, and walk out after them)

Shinobu (blandly): They're going to need some help on this.

Mitsuru (equally bland): Guess so.

(Exuent)

There's a first time for everything. First time for script format, first self-insertion (okay, it's as close as I'm ever gonna get), first self-parody. Now you see why track fifteen was so short... it kinda got crowded out.

Oh well, it was amusing to write... hope you find it amusing to read. Don't worry, I'll be back on the regular story soon. Or should I continue this one?

Itsu mo,
Ucchan ^_~