A Revolutionary Girl Utena fanfic by Dreiser

      I don't believe in miracles. I've said that time and time again and I'll continue to say it as my life goes on.
      But if I don't believe in miracles then why is she here? Her presence in my dojo is in itself a miracle. I never expected to see her again. Not after the way we parted... the way we all parted. The fall at Ohtori was not a pleasant one.
      Then again what falls are ever pleasant? Besides the seasonal kind of course. She nears me in the same steady gait that I've always admired. There is a charming confidence in her walk that endears her to me. That endears her to many.
      I may be admired but I'm also feared. None fear her. Not even those she defeats. She has an unflappable talent for making her enemies her friends. It's something I would wish to have if I were a more sociable person.
      Fortunately I'm not. The only people I want or need around are those who wish to challenge my sword. I'm a born competitor and to live I need conflict.
      It's too bad that most of the conflict I receive isn't in my chosen realm of fencing but rather in my personal life. I know she's well aware of this of because she's the cause of the conflict. At least a good portion of it.
      She stops in front of me and smiles gently. I can feel my jaw clench at action. Already my barriers are rising. I've made the mistake of letting her in once and I'm not about to make the same mistake again.
      "I've missed you."
      For this comment I reward her with a derisive look and I can see her flinch under it. Good. She deserves that. The pain of rejection. You just don't abandon someone then expect to walk back into their life free and clear. It doesn't work that way in the real world. In the real world we have a thing called bitterness and spite.
      She ought to learn about these things now that she's finally been propelled out of the fairy tale world that she has existed in the past few years. Perhaps I'm being a bit harsh. I existed within that fairy tale world. We all did to some degree but the world was of her making.
      Out of us all she wanted it the most. She wanted that damned fairy tale world that her oh so perfect Prince existed in. She wanted it and she made me want it too.
      Want it and want her. Want her beautiful innocence. Want her joy of living. Want her hope. Want her belief, that unending belief in miracles.
      I meet her gaze and I know she's waiting for my reply. A twisted smile forms on my lips as I answer.
      "Oh, really? I wouldn't have guessed. After all, you never kept in touch."
      She licks her lips nervously and fiddles with her hands behind her back. Curse her. Why must she be this way? So dangerously charming in her own ignorance.
      "I wanted to..."
      Her voice trails off softly and she drops her gaze from mine to look at her hands that are now neatly folded in front of her. I follow this action and my eyes narrow at what I see.
      "You're wearing the ring."
      My jaw is clenched again and my hands are balled into fists. I'm shaking with repressed rage and she knows it. She has seen me like this many times before.
      She lifts her eyes to lock with my own and they're no longer filled with tenderness. There is a quiet rage held inside them that matches my own.
      "Why do you wear the locket?"
      At this I can only stare at her with what I know must be a dumbfounded expression. Why am I wearing the locket? I've always worn the locket... always. It's become just as much a part of me as my impossible love has. To not wear the locket would to be something other than myself.
      Is that why she wears the ring still? Has he become just as much a part of her? It makes sense I suppose. He was the center of her existence for most of her life. Even with him gone and that part of her life destroyed she still can feel his influence over her.
      Just as I can feel my love's influence over me.
      So I clutch at my locket and she touches her ring. Our eyes meet once again and it's electric. The space between us evaporates and only inches separates us.
      She breaks contact to stare anxiously at the floor. Her hands are once again behind her back as she asks.
      "Did... did you miss me?"
      I smile at this question. Did I miss her? Of course I missed her. I missed her like a starving man misses food. To a person like me she's life itself. I'm not particularly good at living but she is and when I'm with her I find that I am too.
      "Yes, I missed you."
      Her head lifts and reveals a pair of shining blue eyes. Oh how I've longed to see them these past lonely months. I can't believe she came here. I can't believe she found me.
      My hands are shaking as they gently cup her face and tip it upwards to look more deeply into my own. I swallow the lump in my throat and sort out what I want to say next. Words have never been my forte. And it was my failure in the ways of emotional expression that cost me my first love. I'll not let it cost me her as well.
      "I... I..."
      I cannot find the words. I cannot find them and for that I will lose her as I've lost the one before. The pain tugs at my heart and I realize the cause of it. The cause for the fear that clutches at my soul and hers as well.
      In a smooth movement I rip the thin gold chain from my neck and throw my locket carelessly across the dojo. She gasps at this action and I reach out to softly cup her chin in my hand. Slowly I lead her gaze back to me.
      "She means nothing to me now. I throw her away like I throw away our past. You're all I want now."
      I watch her lower her eyes to the ring that he gave to her during the moment of her ultimate suffering. She looks at that ring then looks at me and in a jerky movement she pulls if off her finger to throw it in the direction my locket landed.
      Blue eyes smile at me like they did so long ago and her voice has a playful lilt as she responds.
      "He means nothing to me now. I throw him away like I throw away our past. You're all I want now."
      A smile curls on my lips. How long has it been since I've smiled? Since the last time I saw her.
      In a smooth movement I pull her closer to me and she gives a startled cry at this gesture. Gradually she relaxes into my hold and rests her hands lightly on my hips. Our faces are inches apart and the feel of her hot breath on my skin drives me insane.
      With sweeping strength I possess her lips with my own and she meets my passionate embrace with an eagerness I wouldn't have expected from her. When we finally pull apart for the need of air I say her name like a prayer.
      She sighs softly and I can feel another smile cross my lips on hearing it. I've never smiled this much in one day and I know it will only get worse with her at my side. She's far too cheerful for her own good.
      The back of my hand gently strokes her cheek and as she leans into my touch she says my name in turn.


Both characters in this fanfiction are from Revolutionary Girl Utena which is what I consider to be the best shojoai series available in Anime today. I really don't know why I wrote this fanfic other than the fact that the little girl in me wants to see these two characters happy. In particular I really do want to see Juri find some degree of joy in her life. She's second to Ukyo in my list of favorite Anime ladies and I think Shiori must be insane for liking Ruka over her. Well enough of my weird soapbox. I'm off to watch the preview clip of the Utena movie again.

Copyright reserved 1999 Dreiser [dreiser0@earthlink.net]

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